Someone Might Remember

A little over lunchtime, and I had to go to a meeting. But just when I was about to step out of the building, it rained. So I took a taxi for the 500m ride. The ride only took less than 2 minutes.

I was singing a part of the Tohoshinki's Stand By U, just the part that I remembered when the driver asked me: "Ma'am, do you live in XXX area?" Since he mentioned the place where I live, I honestly answered: "Yes. But how do you know? Did you ever take me there before?" To which he gave out a little laugh & told me: "Because you're singing a Japanese song! And from all the people that I've had driven before, you're the only one who sang Japanese so I'd remember!"

For most people this is only a slightly funny experience. You laugh about it and then you forget about it. But for me, this is such a gentle reminder that every little action that you do, every words that you say, SOMEONE MIGHT REMEMBER. Maybe you think that you're doing something only for fun, or maybe you said some words just to lighten up the party without any intention to hurt. But SOMEONE MIGHT REMEMBER.

Another example for me, I was getting out of the church after a service and passing a granny who was walking with a crane. She was about to take the 3 little steps up to the foyer. As I was walking casually by, I stopped & reflexly held her arm so that she could take the steps more steadily. She thanked me, I gave her a smile and walked back out again. And I didn't remember this until long time later one member of the congregation came up to me and told me: "Hey, my mom said that you're a nice girl and that you've been kind to her. Thank you." I was confused because I didn't even know her mom. So I asked her who's her mom & what did I do, and she repeated the story that I just told you earlier. The granny's her mom. I didn't remember my action as something serious, but she's grateful for that little action.

And that's just one good example. What about the bad one? Ooooh, believe me, people remember more & better about bad things than the good ones!! ^^" A group of friends and I were talking & joking. As time went by, the joke became bolder and bolder until I told a friend: "Yeah, and your laugh is like a devil's laugh! You should check it out or you won't get into heaven!" Everyone laughed including that friend. But later on when we're setting up a committee for a program I was informed that she didn't want to work with me because she felt hurt with my joke. The joke was said like months ago!! BUT SHE REMEMBERED.

So next time I should think before I take actions, I should consider my words before I let them out. Because many times my little actions & words can change people's life or way of thinking. In everything I do or say SOMEONE MIGHT REMEMBER. And GOD REMEMBERS. I hope from today onwards there will be more good memories of me when people think of & remember me.

The Date

Today, October 29 2009, is my father's 71st birthday. But more than that, the date holds much more meanings for him. He always had mixed feelings about his birthday, and it always made me confuse how to react too. But back when mom was still around, it's much happier for him and much easier for us to be happy for him too. Despite his request not to celebrate, he couldn't say no to my mom since it's also their wedding anniversary. Here's what happened on his birthday in the past:

1. The day his father passed away. I always forgot the year but always remember the story. He brought hom some food to celebrate with his parents & siblings, but found out that my grandfather already passed away while reading the newspaper.
2. But then my mom decided October 29 1974 as their wedding day to erase the sadness of the memory of losing my grandfather.
3. October 29 2007, my father obtained his 8th Dan (level) in Karate. He was ecstatic for his achievement at his age. But then when he came home my mother announced to the whole family (after her last visit to the doctor) that the doctor said she didn't have to come to see him anymore. That she should spend her last moments with family, and pray for the best. I couldn't stand to see his eyes. He tried to be strong for her cause she didn't cry, but I know deep inside it crushed him. There was no celebration that year.

Last year was his 70th birthday and also his first birthday & anniversary without his soulmate. He looked so sad but I went ahead with a lunch celebration with family & friends. I didn't regret it, seeing the smile on his face, hearing his laughter when we brought him cake & singing him the birthday song, that's probably the best thing that happened to me last year. Cause at that time I could see, that he's happy and he forgot all the misfortunes in the past on his birthday.

And today, we'll be cutting the birthday cake at the hospital. His younger brother has been in a coma since last Saturday for an internal bleeding on his brain. So many people called him at home early this morning. When I'm leaving for work he told me: "I'm a bit anxious. There were so many things happened on my birthday in the past years... I hope he's not gone on this day too." I couldn't seem to find the right words to console him but I could only tell him not to think of the bad things all the time. Let's just pray & hope for the best.

Today I'm so thankful to God that I'm granted another year with my father. I don't know how many more birthdays we'll be able to celebrate, but today, I'm going to make it another day that can make him happy. And I pray that everyday is also a happy day for him as it is for me, to have him stand by me until this moment.

Happy 71st birthday Pops! I love you and God bless you!

Holiday

Today is the last day of the long Idul Fitri holiday... and you know what? I haven't been able to finish all the reading & the watching that I had planned to do before the holiday. And what would be my excuse this time? Too much to do? Not enough time? Or too short a holiday?

I thought I always told myself that holiday is no reason to be lazy... Honestly, I still woke up early in the morning like any other working days, though I went to bed a little later than usual... But I procrastinate in doing everything! And not doing it the way it should have been!

I woke up at 5am in the morning... I replayed my ipod again... closed my eyes and slept for another hour... At 6am, I turned on my side lamp & read things that I didn't plan to read... At 8 I woke up, took my time to do my bed... And by 9, I haven't even mopped the floor!

Even when I watched, I've actually made a watching list... but I ended up watching totally different movies/shows. And the worst was I fell asleep while watching/reading, and when I woke up instead of continuing it, I did something else! T____T

Anyway, even though things didn't go as planned, I'm still happy... I got the much needed sleep, time with dad, enough shopping, and definitely a whole lotta fun with some of close friends! Yeah, this time the housekeeper had decided to quit her job and I had to do the laundry (for my own clothes :p Dad washed his own hahahaha) & the much hated ironing... Thankfully my dad can cook his own food as I'm the useless one in the kitchen :p All I did was providing the raw material as requested hehehe *useless daughter*

Maybe I won't plan anything for my next holiday... maybe I should just let it roll however I like... but still, holiday is no reason to be lazy *once again* it's just another reason to take your time to to do things... Happy holiday!

Growing Up

2 nights ago I received an unexpected text message, it reads:

"Kakak, thanks for all your prayers. I got accepted in the Medical Faculty of University P***"

It took only 5 seconds before I spilled my tears. And those are happy tears.

I met this girl when she was in 5th grade. Her mom's my mom's close friend in church. At that time, she was also very clingy to her uncle, my friend & my duet partner in church. As she also had some domestic problems, she's very shy and cried easily. And for the next few years after our first meeting, she grew attached to me too. We talked a lot, I used to spend sometime with her & her siblings when our moms got together and I somewhat became a big sister figure for her and I cared a lot about her like a lil' sister I never had.

Circumstances made us lost contact for a few years when she was in Junior High. I met her again when she just got into High School. At that time, my mom was in her early medications, her mom talked to my mom on the phone about it and they decided that they should meet. So we met at Pondok Indah Mall over lunch on a Saturday.

During lunch, I found out that things at home were still hard for her. But to my surprise, she matured a lot during those years we weren't in touch. She took care of her 2 lil' sisters well and had such a strong personality. It was also a few days after her birthday, I remembered that I sent her a text message and her mom told me that she was very happy! She said: "Mom, she still remembers my birthday! She sent me an SMS!" It was also one of the reasons why our moms decided to meet. So I asked her what did she want for her present. She said a book, and she chose Memoirs of a Geisha at the bookstore. She seemed very happy. Then we ate ice cream together, and bought some snacks at the supermarket. We parted happily and promised to keep in touch. A promise that I couldn't keep.

She changed her phone number and at that time I was also busy taking care of my mom & struggled to cope up between my work & personal affairs. When my mom passed away, her mom came to the wake & funeral... and I was updated again with her stories. Yes finally we meet again through FB, but I didn't see her again until a few days before my surgery. She and her mom was at the hospital where I went and we got to chatted for a while there. Then I received the text message that I mentioned in the beginning of this post.

I cried over the news because I'm proud of her. Despite her hard times, she grew up strong and wise. I'm ashamed that I wasn't able to keep my promise to be there for her at her hard times, but she still sent me the message anyway. I almost feel like a parent whose child is going away to start a new path of her own. But I really wish that I could be a part of her future and do more for her than what I did in the past.

I can't be the big sister anymore for her but I want to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. I didn't promise her anymore that I'll keep in touch. Instead, I promise myself to do it. I'm praying for her happiness and her future. And I'm proud that my little girl has grown up strong. I still have a few years until she graduates and turned into a wise woman. And I surely want to support her until that time comes.

Back To The Future

Did you ever regret your past?

I'm lying if I say I didn't. But if I have the chance to be back to the past, I still want to be what I am today. Yes, there were things that I really thought shouldn't have happened or I shouldn't have had done, words that shouldn't have said, but I can proudly say that I'm stronger & wiser today for what has happened in the past.

There were regrets alright, a lot of what ifs & maybes... but I have learned to accept them as part of my "life education". Just like when you get a red mark in school (well OK, this is bad example as I know some people never get a red mark and always being the top of the class!), there were times you get a red mark in life. And it's now how you can erase the red mark with tip-ex or eraser, but how to make it blue or black in the next exam. You look at your mistakes, find out what's the right formula, and solve the next problem in the right way.

That's why even in my age today, there are still things that I want to do while I'm still able to do it... I believe in "better late than never" though it's even better to "do it before it's too late". I'm saving money to travel somewhere far, I'm thinking of taking a guitar lesson in September (since the music school is in the same building of the new office), I'm still keen on getting better with my Japanese (will have to continue the lesson next month), and I'm looking forward to the mission trip with the Youth Ministry in December. Oh, and I want to write more and compose more songs... something that I haven't done in the past few years...

Wow!! Isn't the future exciting?? Even though we still don't know what's in there and what's going to happen to us the next 1 hour... nevertheless I can't wait to see what's my future going to bring, and it depends on what I'm doing today! I just trust my life in my God's hand 100%... but the most important thing is, doing my best for HIM and HIM only. Here I come my future!!

Viva Life!!

I just turned 34 last week. Unlike last year, there’s no celebration or anything special. I’m still recovering from my surgery last month and also it fell on Monday, the 1^st day of the week that keeps everyone busy. I went to work as usual, received hundreds of well wishes in FB, some prayer through telephone calls and a bunch of SMS. The fact that I’m still breathing and in good condition is a celebration for me personally. Though one fact hasn’t changed… I’m still single ha3x

And yeah, of course, there were more wishes from the “elders” that I’d meet Mr. Right soon but honestly, I don’t really think about it anymore. Even if he doesn’t come along, I’ve come to a realization that some things are better off as it is, no need to rush it or dwell on the facts that I’m still single too much. Ignore whatever other people said. In the end it’s my life. And I still have many things I want to do, I want to go places, and I want to challenge myself to be MORE in every single thing that I do. And those are the kind of things that (I was told) I can only do while I’m single.

So here I am, celebrating life and all its ups & downs… I may be one year older, but that means I’m also given longer time to enjoy the ride on life’s roller coaster!! I’m blessed!!

To Live Your Own Life

I guess MJ's death yesterday was really a big news all over the world. I don't want to have a long discussion about his death, I guess I've had enough. But what interest me to talk about this is that some hardcore fans seemed to deny the fact the he had passed away. Dead. No longer in this world. They seemed to believe that he is immortal. Which, immortality is a non-existance in this life. No matter how you want to stay young and used the most expensive anti-aging products or plastic surgery, you can't deny the fact that your life is one day will be over.

The irony of his death was that he had all the wealth in the world but still he was living a life that he couldn't enjoy. Where he couldn't call his life his own anymore. He lived under the prying gaze of millions of people who called themselves his fans and the media, and he was expected to live up to their expectations. To be the perfect, immortal star.

Fame and wealth can be cruel. Fandom can be dangerous.

Jung Yunho, leader of one of my fave boybands - TVfXQ was once rushed to the hospital because and anti-fan sneaked into the dressing room & put power glue in the water bottle that he drank. And not just that, the boys are stalked whenever they returned to their home country. And they're just one boyband while there are hundred of others. Sadly, they do what what they do today because it's their passion. They're now more than just pretty faces & killer bodies, surprisingly they do have talents. And very good at it. If they don't do what they do today, what else can they be? A regular salaray-man like you and me? Or running their own busineess?

I love singing. And there was a moment in my life when I want to be a singer if given the opportunity. But life had a different plan laid out for me. Still, there's a longing inside my heart for this dream coming untrue. Now I have to satisfy myself with singing in church (which is the greatest opportunity to serve my Father & Lord) and an occasional karaoke session with some friends. Somehow this make me understand why they do what they do today. It's more than just fame or money, it's about living your life according to your passion and the success is just a bonus.

So what kind of fan do you want to be? Do you want to be a stalker fan or obsessive fan? Or do you want to be a loyal fan who buys their records, go to their concerts and smile when you coma across a picture of them holding hands with some girls or fellow celebrities? After all they're only human. They have feelings & desires. And they want to start a family. What is so wrong about it? Besides, to have a family of our own is the very basic core of life.

It's okay to ask for an autograph or a picture together. But let's grow up and let them live their own life. After all, they have given up 80% of their lives for you... for me... for us... let them enjoy the 20% on their own.

It's Over When It's Over

Today is my 1st day back in the office after the surgery. I’ve been busy replying messages and the well wishes sent through SMS or Facebook for the first few days back home but now it’s time to get back to the real world. I couldn’t be more thankful for having so many people care about me. My whole family was outside the surgery room from 12pm (when they wheeled me in) until 6:30pm (when they brought me back to my room), my dad didn't even want to have lunch even though my aunt had bought him one. My baby cousin stayed with me in the hospital room for 3 nights attending to my every needs. She didn't hear her mobile phone alarm ringing 3 sets in a row but she woke up whenever I called her when I needed to get off the bed and went to the toilet or just to grab anything I asked of her, amazing!! And she had to go to work in the morning too... I love you so much lil' sista!! *muach 100x*

The surgery was a success even though the result was a bit off than expected. It started at 1:00pm on June 13 and finished at 4:00pm. Apparently there were cysts in both my left & right ovary. The one in the left was what the doctor found earlier through USG. Even though the USG only showed it medium in size (around 3.9 x 3.4cm) the real thing was actually much bigger (8 x 4.5 x 2.5cm) and it was stuck to the left ovary. The doctor has no choice but to take the left ovary along with the cyst. But the surgery team managed to take the cyst in the right as it wasn’t as big (3 x 2.5cm) without removing the right ovary. Other than that 2 uterus fibroid were also taken from my uterus… small & black like stones my aunt said.

Funny thing was, nobody told me about the removal of my left ovary until the next day. I was chatting with my little cousin about the surgery and I kinda told her: “So I heard the left cyst was very big? Did you see it?” She said: “Yeah, I was told by our aunt that it’s pretty big the team even had to remove your left ovary along with it!” I didn’t think that I was shocked or something, but I remember there was a pause before I asked her casually: “So they did remove left ovary? Really?” Suddenly she fell silent and quickly retorted: “Errrrr, I’m not so clear… maybe I’m wrong, maybe you’ll have to check it with our aunt who spoke with the doctors!” I knew it’s real right there and then. My aunt still didn’t say anything until the day I check-out from the hospital. She explained everything to me carefully but I didn’t feel sad or anything. I’m just disappointed that they didn’t think I’m strong enough to take the news. I’d rather have them tell me directly rather than made me wonder for 3 days.

2 days ago was my 1st consultation post surgery. I got to see the 20cm long incision in my lower abdomen. And again I’m so thankful for God’s help and grace throughout the whole process. There were times when I felt so lonely & almost depressed, but everytime I opened the Bible, HE always gave me the answer that I was looking for and then I could be at ease again.

So here I am again… facing my pc monitor and ready to sort out my piling-up works… The hardest time isn’t over, but I’ll get through it one day at a time.

soulmate

Did you ever have anybody of the opposite gender that you can call “soulmate” even though you’re not in a relationship?

I did, long time ago. He was supposed to be 1 year my senior in high school, but he moved to another city when I got in. I didn’t meet him until like a year later, we were in the same club… I didn’t think that there’s anything special between us when we first met. He didn’t talk much, and I thought that he didn’t like me too since I was a talkative person. He was a mysterious guy.

Then at one point we got to spend a few hours together. I don’t remember anymore what we were talking about during that few hours… but it started there. Letters were sent every week… once I received I replied the next day and vice versa. We could feel it when something went wrong with each other. And the funny thing was, in the rare moments we got to spend a couple of times in a year, we rarely speak. We shared everything through letters, hundreds of them exchanged between us!

There was once when I wanted to give him a surprise visit on my holidays. I didn’t tell him anything, I just packed my suitcase and took a train to the city he lived in. When I got to his house, I met his grandmother who was so surprised to see me by the door and claimed: “You can’t be here!! He’s on the way to Jakarta to surprise you!!” That was like the only time that our frequency didn’t match! I cried so hard the whole day cause I felt like I missed him too much. But I also can’t go back to Jakarta right away, cause after visiting him I planned to go visit my uncle in Semarang. The rest of the holiday was a misery for both of us.

From all the birthday presents that I ever received, his was the one that I treasured most. It’s proudly hanging in my bedroom. I was already in college at that time, we hardly kept in touch. But when he’s back in Jakarta we managed to meet after my birthday. When we met, he silently gave me this square and thick stuff, wrapped in a flowery gift paper. When I opened it, I saw myself stared back at me in pencil. He drew me from a picture that I didn’t even remember he had. I cried.

Years passed by… somewhere along the way we lost in touch… There were a few times when he suddenly called and said hi… his numbers kept changing for many reasons, he even moved to Canada for a year. And you know what, I always dreamed of him before he calls came. Losing him hurts so much more than the worst break up I’ve been through. Every year, there’s always a day when I think of him and wondering how is he doing now. His last call came 3 years ago. It was awkward, there was silence hung between the lines for a few minutes. We didn’t say anything after the hello… I knew it was him right away. Then he said that he hoped I was fine and that he’ll call me again sometime. I said OK. We hung up. I cried again. No more call ever since, but deep down inside sometimes there’s a tingling that I can’t described when I think of him.

Even though the relationship was completely platonic… honestly, I don’t ever want to go through the same thing again. If I ever going to meet the one that I can call “soulmate” once again, then I want him to be the one that I will spend the rest of my life with. I want him to be that special someone just like I would be for him. I want to “feel” him with my soul just like he would “feel” me with his entire being. And that, my lovely friends… is something that I’m looking forward to find…

Today, I bid him farewell from my heart but not from my memories… I wish him well… and thank you for all those years that we were through.

about fandom

Yeah, I’m 33 and STILL LOVE BOYBANDS… so what??

I guess if you read my other posts you’ll know by know that boyband is not my only hobbies. I read comics, I watch anime (a lot) and collecting anime merchandise as you can read here or here in case you never read or you forgot. The most common comment that I get is: “My goodness!! You’re already 33 and you still like this kind of stuff? Grow up!!”

So does liking boybands etc means that I haven’t grown up? Does reading comics & watching anime means that I’m childish? I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but I can say that people who really know me say that I’m very mature. Even when I was in my teens, my parents’ friends used to envy my parents over my maturity compared to their children. I’m not bragging, but that’s the truth.

And how bad is my obsession over boybands? I’d say normal. I listen to their music most of the time, I read the latest gossip or news on them, I watch subbed variety shows that they’re in and laugh over their silliness or idiocy. I bought original CDs/DVDs ONLY if I think they price is sensible, and that’s why I never bought Japanese original stuff! (unless for a couple of CDs) Japanese merchandise’s price are crazy if not overboard! No thanks… I have to thank that technology that enables me to download all those yummy stuff over the internet.

Yes there are some crazy people out there who can’t seem to differentiate between fandom and reality. And I’m happy to say that (I think) I’m not one of them. At least it’s still OK for me if there’s any gossip of them dating. I mean, they’re only human, they surely need someone special just like we, common people, do don’t you think? They have desires too, and if they’re dating women that’s good, cause that means that they’re normal he3x

I don’t dream of being able to use “rasengan” or do “bankai”… of course sometimes I joke around with my friends’ kids, pretending that I can do those but I do realize that I’m no Naruto nor Kurosaki Ichigo. I am Tresia and I am happy just to be myself. While watching the series I sometimes wish that we -- the real people -- could be as nice or as strong as those anime characters. I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes those characters can change me too. I admire Naruto’s perseverance & loyalty. I sympathize over Ichigo’s trauma of losing his mother. And I wish I could show my love to my brother openly like Shou does to Yuri. But I never imagine myself to be them.

I’m proud of who I am. Despite my hobbies, I do my job seriously. I have a great job at a good firm. So who says that I’m just a childish & non-realistic fangirl?

By the way, if I ever meet DBSK, I have 3 wishes:

1) I want to pinch Junsu’s cheeks.

2) I want to be hugged by Yunho from behind.

3) I want to sing Love In The Ice or Begin with them.

There!! *fangirlmode: ON*

D-Day

Went to see another obgyn last Friday... After the checking & back to our discussion he asked me: "So, what do you want to hear from me?" I said: "I just need a confirmation, surgery or no surgery? I've heard surgery from 1 doctor. Now you tell me it's a yes or a no? That's all I need to hear to convince myself." Doctor: "I'm sorry but YES!" 2:0 for surgery... there we go.

So I called the hospital this morning and scheduled it on June 13. So far the surgery room is available, the room is on waitlist (they told me that the single room is unavailable and offered the VIP for IDR 400.000,- more expensive which is a ripped off!! They just want more money...) they just need to confirm the doctor's time and will call me again to re-confirm. But I'll have to check-in on the 12th. I hope there won't be any change. Second weekend is better so I have time to finish my work before I disappear for 2 weeks :p

Phew!! Didn't realize that other than the surgery itself I'll have to prepare for other stuff. For example, I will need flat shoes. He3x Other than high heels for work, I only have sneakers & sandals. Don't like flats, but have to have one now to go to work when I'm back to the office. And before I check-into the hospital I'll definitely have to cut my hair very short. Since there's no mom who can help me wash my hair, it'll be difficult for me to wash hair & have a careful shower (can't let water touch my surgery wound)... So I'll have to wash my hair in the kitchen sink for a month!! Ha3x Short hair will be easier. I'm thinking of getting Hyunjoong / Jaejoong style LOL

Oh, I'll have to do 1 month groceries too!! He2x Since that's my job and I won't be able to do that soon... at least 1 month after my surgery I'm sure I'd be able to go groceries shopping again... The thing that bother me most is that I won't be able to drive for at least 2 months. *sigh* Will be Taxi to and from work. When I have my appendicitis 4 years ago, it was my mom who drove me to work every single day, but now I'm not comfortable enought to let my dad drive in such heavy traffic. How inconvenient it might be but that's what it takes for speedy recovery.

Aaaaaaah, so many things to do... but at least I could use my time after surgery to finish reading those books that I'm too lazy to read! Ha3x

so...

2 weeks ago I felt abdominal pain for 3 days straight. Went to Medistra Hostpital before work, saw the internist, had a USG. Spent half a day at the hospital. The next day dropped by the hospital to take my result & went to see the internist again. She was suspecting that my endometrioid cyst was acting up again. Referred me to see the obgyn later in the evening on the same day. Got to the hospital again at 6:30pm, didn't get to see the doc until almost 10:00pm. Result? I have myoma or Uterine Fibroids... and not just one, he mentioned several from the look of my uterus. He suggested a surgery to remove both the cyst & the myoma.

Honestly, this time I was scared. Even until now I haven't decided to undergo the surgery or not. For the first time in my whole life I'm totally scared and unable to make decisions. When my mom was ill, I could still make decisions for her & the entire family knowing what's the consequences & what might be the result. But this time it's really hard. I asked my friend who had undergone the same procedure, she just told me: "Pray. If you're sure then go ahead. But don't do it unless you feel confident about it." And after a discussion with my boss' wife I decided to get a second opinion. Or even a third. But the surgery vs no surgery has to be 2:0 or 2:1. I'm still trying to find a good doctor, hopefully it's done before the end of next week cause I have to make decisions about it soon. If it's a yes, it should be early June. I keep praying and thanking God for everything. And whatever I have to go through in the end, I know that HE will take care of me.

Another thing... someone stole my bag from the car last night. I dropped by Hero Gatot Subroto to buy chicken. Just left the car for 10 minutes. When I got back I can't get the car keys into the key hole, when I tried to open it just opened. I was thinking that maybe I forgot to lock up before I went out? But then the compartment was opened, and my backpack was gone! What's inside the bag might be unimportant for some people (working notes, standard medical kit, etc), but I just hate the fact that for the years that I've been to that place (AT LEAST once a week) nothing ever happened to me and I was very confident that nothing's going to happen to my car since it's an old one. I thought people would target the expensive & luxurious card instead. Aaaaarrrghhh!! Other than my backpack, the thief also stole my CDMA phone that I put in the compartment. Luckily it's not expensive, but still it's annoying.

So here's what I lost inside the backpack:
- Working notes
- Phone book
- Name card case with name cards, hospital cards (from all 5 hospitals), insurance card, 1 credit card (I have it blocked right away), 1 ATM card (they can't get the money anyway since they don't know the PIN).
- My standard medical pack: Ponstan, inhaler & cooling five (for my bronchitis & sinus), aspirin, minyak telon, panadol menstrual, bandage (I got small cuts easily).
- Sewing Kit
- Nokia data cable
- Small laptop speaker
- 2 books of Taxi voucher
- Comb

Others:
-Nokia CDMA Phone

This morning I had to take a taxi to work, dad has to take the car to the car shed to fix the door & the automatic lock.

I don't want small things to ruin my day. I don't want anything at all to ruin my joy. What's done is done. What's gone is gone.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
I Thessalonians 5 :18

SO THANK YOU, LORD!!! I'm happy!!!

choco flattery

One of the regular bankers from SG Office came this morning and happily presented me a box of chocolate "fresh" from the Switzerland v(^o^)v The chocolate is in a very luxurious black box... looks nice and expensive.

The reason for the chocolate giving is that I've been helping him a lot (according to him, but I think it's normal, nothing special) with some personal stuff or professional -- when his secretary's not around. But it's the way he presented the chocolate that amused me:

Him: "Here's your chocolates!"

Me: "Ow, thank you! That's very nice of you..."

Him: "Oh yeah... It's fresh from the Switzerland!"

Me: "Really?"

Him: "Yes, my parents came on Friday and brought it with them."

Me: "Wow..."

Him: "They only brought 2 boxes of that! One box I gave to Seb*****n (CEO of one of the largest bank in Indonesia) and the other one goes for you!"

Me: *smiling sweetly* "Oh wow, I'm flattered!"

Him: "You should be! It's special!" *while pointing at the choco box*

LOL this is the first time a guy is telling me that I should be flattered cause he gives me some chocolates... and he's my boss nonetheless! Hahahahahahahaha But yeah, I'm flattered, since his secretary told me that she didn't even get anything from him on this secretary week :p

Chocolate is always the perfect solution for any girl, don't you think?

my new baby

My new baby, SE C-902... decided to get this instead of that damn C510... A little more expensive but I love it! Mmmm, have to download some games to play with the baby...

stupid sales reply

Thursday, April 16: There's half page color advert in Kompas, promoting the new C510 by Sony Ericsson.

Saturday, April 18: @ the brand store, Senayan City... Looked @ the dummy and was thinking to buy one.

Monday, April 20: Still thinking about it...

Today, April 21: Sacrificed my lunch time, went to PP to buy that phone... finally... And....

@ Sony Ericsson store:

Me: "Excuse me, I want to buy C510."

Sales: "I'm sorry, we don't have it yet."

Me: "What? Isn't it a new model?"

Sales: "Yes, since it's new we don't have it yet."

Me: "But I saw it in Senayan City?"

Sales: "Yes, maybe they have it there, but we don't have it here."

Me, started to get a bit annoyed... Moved to the next store, OKE Shop...

Me: "Excuse me, I want to buy C510."
Sales: "I'm sorry, we don't have it yet."

Me: "But it's new, isn't it?"

Sales: "Yes, because it's very new we don't have the stock yet."

Me: "But the store in Senayan City has it!"

Sales: "Yes, I think only Senayan City has it right now."

Now I'm thinking should I really buy that thing or should I just forget about changing mobile phone if this is the way they sell it. Why put a large advert & spend so much money on promotong something that you don't even have!!!!!

omiyage

omiyage = purezento = presents

My friend Atie just returned from Japan for a short holiday in her hometown, Jakarta. I asked her to buy me 2 CDs (which she could only find 1) and a magazine (that she didn't have time to search for anyway). Surprisingly, she said: "Aaaaah, I have to bring to so many things for you!" I was a bit shocked when she said that: "I thought you're only bringing me 1 CD?" Apparently, she brought more for me ha3x See in the picture, the CD is the only thing that I asked her to buy for me, but she actually bought me some present!! LoL Above the CD are 2 little comics that she bought @ Manga Expo (Or Comiket for the Japanese). Then some ichigo (strawberry) snacks, I have to eat that later. I really didn't know what's inside the red package, she just said that if I feel cold I could stick those on my skin. Ok, no problem... I'll try it out too.

And the "many things" that she brought me are actually all the comics & doujinshis in this picture!! I couldn't stop laughing when I saw them and asked: "What in world did you buy me these for?" She said: "While I was in the manga expo, I really wanted to buy some comics but since I don't read them I thought why not buy it for you? And I didn't know which one is good, so I just picked the longest queue in front of the stands. If the queue is long that means that the comic is good!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That's logical!! But amazingly one of the doujinshi was actually created by EIKI EIKI, one of the mangaka that I like. And one drawing book with Light Yagami & L from Death Note on the cover. Mmm, good choices. There are also some magazines, I asked her what magz are those? Her answer: "I don't know, I got them for free, I though you'd understand & like them." ROFL

Anyway, she told me a lot of interesting stories & pictures about Japan. I'll save that for another entry. But all in all, it's an interesting country. And yes, I still want to go there someday. Right now, I'll just enjoy listening to the CD and try to improve my Japanese with those comics & magazines that she bought me.

teaching again

Last night I started teaching again. How many students came? Just 3. But looks like more will join next week, they just found out that I re-opened the class ast night. And I was happy with my 3 students. They asked a lot of questions, they brought discussion materials and were willing to follow my guidelines. I didn't prepare anything to teach last night, I was waiting to hear from them first what they want to learn from the class. The result was satisfying... now I know better how to teach in the next sessions and what kind of materials to bring.

A few years ago I opened a free English class in church for about a year. It was closed down due to the students' lack of time and commitment. After that I ran another English class for 13 Sunday School children, ranging from 7 - 13 years old. It was very fun!! Even better than the adult class!! We played many games, I encouraged them to pray in English (each of them had to prepare a prayer in English and every week the last kid came into the class room have to pray in after the lesson), and I even challenged them to pick a scripture in English to memorize. The first once who could recite it in front of the class will get a book (in English of cours :D) or a little gift from me. I never knew that children could be so competitive! Ha3x

The reason I opened the children class was because after Sunday service their parents had to practice Choir for about 1.5 hours. During that time I saw the kids were running around and gossiping (the girls) and playing aimlessly much to the parents annoyance. So one day I gathered the 13 children class and asked me if they want to study English with me while waiting for their parents. They enthusiastically said yes!! Thus, the class started... They had fun, the parents were happy and at least they could always come to me for help with their English homework ha3x Instead of calling me teacher, they called me BOSS! ROFL I felt so bad when I had to quit the class due to my mom's illness 2 years ago. At that time my mom need somebody to be with her 24/7, so I took turn with my dad to be with her on Sunday after church. When my mom passed away last year I didn't continue the class cause most of the children already got into high school and had to join the teenagers ministry every 12:00pm. I still meet them at church, they always give me a high five (the boys) or a kiss in the cheeck (the girls). I love them like my own children.

When I got the request to re-open the class honestly I wasn't so enthusiastic. First I didn't have much time left afterwork anymore and second, I don't have the confidence to dot it again. After hesitating to say yes for 2 weeks, it finally started last night. And I didn't regret it. I just hope that those who have joined and who will join in the following weeks could be more committed. compared to the last adult class that taught. After seeing how excited my students were last night, I think it's worth my time. It would be wonderful if one day they could speak English confidently outside, so I know that I don't waste my time & they have used their time in a better way.

my bedroom, my sanctuary

This is my bedroom. And yes, it's Naruto everywhere and of course Naruto bedsheet you see there. Well, not just Naruto actually, but Jay Chou is definitely there too. I like a lot of stuff, but Naruto & Jay Chou are both on top of my "special" list :D

My room is the place where I do most of my activities at home. Other than sleeping, things that I do in there: watching (I have my own 23" LCD TV & DVD/DivX player), listening to music, reading (my bed is custom made with my own design, the drawers underneath can keep more than 300 comics so all I have to do is reach down to get some to get me to sleep), playing guitar, singing (being crazy is more like it), creating (whatever's on my mind), crying (when I'm just being a crybaby), sulking (when things don't go the way I plan)... What else? I eat in the dining room and have showers in the bathroom of course.

So my bedroom is very important to me. I has to be the most comfortable place for me. And to be comfortable I have to have things that I love all around me. When you see my bedroom, you see me. My bedroom is very small, but a lot of people don't seem to mind and they enjoy hanging out in my bedroom.

I have 2 sets of Naruto bedsheet, blue (as in the picture) and yellow. A set of small Naruto pillow - bolster set + small Naruto cushion (specially ordered fom Japan) + Naruto plushtoy completes the bed. Other than that I also have many plushies on my bed, which now takes up almost half my bed I think He3x Can't sleep without them. The plushies are not always the same. When one goes to the launder, another would replace.

On the wall above the LCD TV is a large Naruto poster he3x Next to it is a picture frame & Jay Chou's concert poster. There is another Jay's giant poster on the other wall. One side also holds 2 large book shelves with little merchandises scattered around. I'll take some pictures another time.

So yeah, I love plushies and figures. I used to have 6 Kamen Rider figures, one of them can turn into a battle hopper. But then some little cousins came and fought over them so I have to gave up on some of them T____T I only keep 2 Kamen Rider Ryuki's figures and battle hopper one. I really want to have a Ryuki with his Dragon fighter... You can consider that for my birthday present this year.

Sooooo, don't blame me if I'd rather stay home then hanging out at the Mall He3x now you know why I love my bedroom so much. Have a great weekend-dattebayo!!!

change... maybe...

Compared to some of my friends, I think I have a very ordinary life and I'm also a very ordinary person. This is what I do from day to day:

- Work from Monday - Friday, officially from 8am - 5pm, but I could never leave @ 5pm.

- Monday night: intercession night @ church, 7 - 9pm

- Tuesday night: Watching & reading night.

- Wednesday night: Sports, if I want to and it's not raining.

- Thursady night: Music rehearsal @ church -- only if I'm on schedule, usually 2-3 times a month.

- Friday night: Time to hang out -- only if I have the mood.

- Saturday morning: Japanese private lesson. Noon: Teaching English @ church, starting this week.

- Saturday evening - night: Youth Ministry service.

- Sunday morning - noon: Church.

That's about it. I don't go clubbing, I go to the mall once in a while when I'm bored or when I need to find something.

What else? Oh, I never dye my hair, it's natural dark brown. I still wear glasses despite people's suggestion to start wearing contacts (I rub my eyes a lot, don't think that would be comfortable with contacts). I'm not fashionable, I only wear what I'm most comfortable with -- mostly jeans + t-shirt + sneakers. Am I not ordinary... or plain?? (^-^)

And suddenly in this age I feel like I need some change. No, I'm not going to start clubbing Ha3x Don't like the music being played, I think it's too loud. And I don't drink alcohol either, especially since I got allergic to grapes a couple of years ago so I can't drink wine either. The allergic is not that bad, I can still eat grapes & drink a sip of wine. When I start coughing though, that's a sign to stop otherwise the coughing will continue for weeks.

Sooooo, this change that I mentioned is actually not a drastic one. I've cut my hair short last month... and I'm thinking of dyeing my hair, my hairdresser offered a special service for that since from the 10 years of my patronage I never did anything else to my hair except the basic treatments. I think he's dying to do something else to it LoL

Anyway, what a long entry just to say that I might (or might not) dye my hair... to what color I don't know but not blonde. Aaaaargh, I also have to change this blabering habit!!! Too bad my hairdresser can not do it for me or we can spend one hour longer at the beauty salon to work on my hair and my thoughts! He3x

Referring to this post, I finally had my second USG last Friday. I'm so happy, the result was good. Even though I still experienced pain on my last cycle, the cyst's size is smaller now. On Nov 2008 the size was 3.9cm x 2.4 cm, last Friday was 3.4cm x 2.4cm. I should return to the doc in another 3 months, though... but doc said so far no surgery needed. But I have to be careful in taking the pain killer, doc didn't want to take to much of it, he again reminded me: "Only if you can't stand the pain anymore."

Then from the obgyn went to Takemori with my lovely cousin, si Dul and kind of having a Korean food feast he3x I ate a lot! We watched Family Outing & some DBSK's MV all through dinner. She had fallen hard for Mirotic LOL Bad bad me... And we were laughing so hard on each hillarious scene in FO! Lucky we were in a private room & looks like there's only another 2 people outside, I bet our laughter can be heard all over the small restaurant :D

Anyway, the DBSK party didn't end that night. Yesterday after church me, my bro & some cousins were going for lunch at PIM, then from there si Dul went to my place and we had another DBSK watching session until 7PM!!! Kyaaaaaaaaaa!!

All in all, I really enjoyed my weekend. I had enough laugh, enough rest and another meeting with The Father. Life is good.

anniversary

Today is the 1st anniversary of my mom’s passing away. One year used to be so long for me, but this time it went by so fast in a blink of an eye. Yet I felt so many changes in me that I wouldn’t even thought I’d had.

My brother came a few days ago, said that he wants to visit mom’s grave. Believe it or not, I haven’t visited her grave this past year, not even once. I still don’t know why it is so hard for me to go, I always found a reason not to go everytime my dad went. I feel so guilty. And some people thought that I’m a bad daughter for not going. But just the thought of her grave is giving me pain & heartache for whatever reasons, I can’t imagine how I’m going to react when I’m really there. So I’ll go when I feel I’m ready. But not today.

I asked my friend who already lost her mom so many years ago: “When will you get over the sadness of losing her? After 2 years? 5 years?” She smiled to me and said: “You will never get over it. Even after 10 years there will be times when you smile remembering your good times with her, but there will also be time when you cry remembering the same moments you spent with her. But as life goes by, you’ll be able to control your feelings and laugh more when you think about it.” I think it’s true.

I don’t cry so often anymore when I think of her. But I still miss her terribly when I have so much to tell. I used to tell her everything. What bothers me, what made me happy, what annoyed me, what I wanted to do, what I wanted to buy, what movies I watched, which boyband I was into… just everything! This past year without her sometimes felt so lonely. When something good happened to me, I kept smiling all the way home excited to share my happiness just to found my dad already in bed. I smiled like an idiot by myself in my bedroom ha3x That’s the kind of thing that I missed the most.

Life goes on… I move on… But I really wish I could visit her grave soon… at least before another anniversary v(^_^)v

not sure

I gradually lost my confidence on a lot of things lately...

All this time hearing people say how "positive thinking" am I... but right now I'm not sure where I stand.

I tried to change myself to a better me, based on others' comments & complains... but that doesn't seem to work out.

I tried to do 'more things' to 'more people'... but it seems like those people don't really need me to those things for them.

I'm so afraid to make decisions now, I'm at a loss...

It's time...

Next week I'll have my next visit to the ob-gyn, when I'll know whether a surgery is needed to remove my cyst or not. Or as the doctor said it: "If the cyst is getting larger and already 5cm in diameter then you can consider a surgery to remove it."

I'm just a little mixed feeling about this whole thing. Yes, my menstruation is painfull to the point that since 3 months ago I had to take a painkiller (Ponstant) in every 6 hours for about 24 hours (between 3 - 4 pills). It's common for me to come a few hours late to work on the 1st day of my menstruation every month, I just have to send an SMS to my boss: "I'll be coming late, my first day of period, have to take painkiller." I've been working for such a long time for him that I could discuss this kind of thing with him. He even asked me if I have a regular cycle and stuff, and I don't feel uncomfortable.

It's true that I want to get rid of this pain, but since I had my apendicitis surgery 3.5 years ago I know how it feels after the surgery. And it's something that I don't want to re-do. Besides, I dont' want to worry my dad. He would want to stay at the hospital with me and all. I'd rather have him stay at home, I can take care of myself, but of course he won't listen to me.

So yeah... I'm anxious waiting for the result... As long as I can stand the pain, I think right now I prefer no surgery. But it's not my will, YOUR will be done, God. I know you know the best for me.

Yay!

Finally... I got those old CD's that I've been wanting to order from this place but the shipping charges to Indonesia is like 4 times the good's price. So I don't really think it's worth it. Luckily "little boss" was travelling to US for about 2 weeks and kindly let me use his US address as my shipping address for delivery. Sooooo, here's what I got for 30 bucks:

- Jars of Clay: If I Left The Zoo

- Jars of Clay: Who We Are Instead

- Curtis Stigers: Curtis Stigers

- Church of Rhythm: Church of Rhythm

And these following cute items from 2 of my fave animes of all time:

Kyo Souma patch from the anime FRUITS BASKET

Shindou Shuichi & Kumagoro pins from the anime GRAVITATION.

Though I wish I could buy more, I'm happy enough with what I have now... There's still next time ;)

Que Sera Sera

Did you ever wonder what you'll be like 10 years from now?

When I was still in highschool I used to fantasize of what would I be when I reach the age 25. Why 25? At that time, 25 seemed like the age where everything important in your life would have happened. Finish college, get married (or even have children), have a good career and much more.

Age 25 passed like a flash. I never finish college, haven't been married (until now), I can't say I have a good career but yeah I think I'm doing more than fine. I love everything about the current "myself". I have nothing to complain.

So lately I begin to wonder again... what will it be like 10 years from now. Will I speak Japanese fluently by then (considering my skipping courses every now and then)? And still, will I ever be married and to whom (Satoshi I wish)? And if possible, I'd rather work from home (in whatever form) than working in the office.

But why bother about things that has yet to happen? The most important thing is to live your life day by day as best as you can. What's going to be in the future depends on what you do today. You reap what you sow. You pay your price in advance. And as long as I put my life in God's hand, everything will be allright. Que sera sera... whatever will, then it will be...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29 : 11

no ordinary day

There is no ordinary day. Every single day is extraordinary.

You've woken up from another sleep this morning. Some people slept forever.

You're still breathing up to this second. Some people just stopped breathing a second ago.

You're still taking a bus to get to work. Some people are walking barefeet a few miles to get to the field.

Your boss was scolding you for not getting things done. Some people just got a notification that they couldn't return to their desks tomorrow.

You think your mobile phone is ancient. Some people don't even know that you could speak to other people who's miles away.

You think your parents are annoying. I wish I could spend just one more day with my mom when she was alive.

And if you think your boyfriend is a pain in the a**. Well, I wish I have one, anyway!!

(^_*)

There is no ordinary day... so be thankful for today and live your life as if it's your last.

rain

Sent a text message to my twin niece & nephew whose house always flooding when it's raining hard:

Me: "Hey, how's the situation around the house? Safe?"
Them: "Still OK! No signs of flood, everything looks good."
Me: "I won't turn off my phone. Lemme know if you need to come here."
Then: "Got it! Will definitely call."


Called another niece whose just accross the twins this morning:

Me: "Hey, how's the house? It's been raining non-stop for 3 days."
Her: "Errrr, the water's already got into the garage..."
Me: "What!!! Your parents in Jakarta or not?"
Her: "No, they're not. It's just me & my sister."
Me: "Start moving your stuff upstairs! If it's raining again, get to my house. Grandpa (my dad, that is) will be home anyway."
Her: "OK! Let's see after the rain stops."


Then called a friend who lives at the same complex with them:

Me: "Hey, I heard it's starting to flood over there!"
Friend: "A little. My husband couldn't come home last night, the road was closed!"
Me: "What!! How did the children get to school?"
Friend: "The school is even worse, they're staying home today."
Me: "Anyway, if it's flooding just come to my house. Let me know if anything happens."
Friend: "Thanks. Will do."

an hour later, it's still raining a little...

two hours later, the sun showed up...

three hours later until now: SHINY!!

Thank you Lord! I can turn off my mobile tonight!

v(^_^)v

Opposites Attract

Most people would say that they became close friends because they have a lot in common. On the contrary, my buddy and I became close friends because we are so different. It's so different that it's not strange for us to hear others say: "Wow, how can you guys even be friends???" :D Oh, perhaps I have to say that we even say this almost every year: "Wow, another year of friendship!!! How could we??? Scaaaaarrrryyyyy......" (FYI, it's not me who said scary though I did say the first phrase in awe).

OK, so at first we did find something in common, which is called ENERGY. LoL And to this day we still find it hard to tell people how we met without having to spill some embarassing but memorable memories that still put a smile on my face. To make it short (and less humiliating) now we simply said: "Through friends." though not without exchanging glances & some giggles which lead the other person asks: "Why you guys laughing?" And then in the end we still have to explain the complete stories.

I have many girlfriends but only a few that I could call close friends. Maybe because most times I find them annoying. Like whenever we're going then we have to eat the same food, going to exactly the same spot, and wearing matching stuff and all... and I have to tell them everything that's going on in my life and so I have to listen to them telling me whatever's going on on their lives. I'm one that could never stand a clingy relationship. So those stuff quite annoying for me.

But not with her. We don't spend every single weekend or holiday together. We could go to the same mall together but get into different stores and meet up again later. We won't fight over boys since we have a completely different type. And she's still trying hard to make over my wardrobe though she has given up on asking me clubbing He3x But when we are talking seriously, then we are REALLY talking. We're not trying to guess what's on each other's mind. We ask and try to find out openly. If we don't agree on something, then we'll find another way instead of pushing our ideas into each other. That's the good thing. Let me try to make some comparison between myself and herself here:

She's a fashionista. I'm good with shirt, jeans & sneaker.
She likes Russel Watson. I prefer Andrea Bocelli.
She likes good looking guys. I like guys who look good to me.
She always wears high heels. If I could go to work with sandal, I'll do that.
She's into Snoopy. I want to have Stitch as a pet.
She grows her hair long. And keeps telling me not to cut my hair short again.
She sings David Tao. I sing Jay Chou. At least we sing Lee Hom in duet.
She watched & read Twilight. I'm still trying to finish Bleach & Naruto.
I call her stepmother. She calls me... errr... Tre?

The list could go on and on and on... But we have survived 2 holiday trips together and she's the only one who could make my father walked from the living room to the kitchen while I was cooking just to ask: "Oh, I just realize that G**E hasn't been here for quite a while. Where has she been?" And I was gapping like a fish out of water: "HAAA??? You asked me about G**E??" ROFL And my father didn't even remember my ex boyfriend's name!! Yikes!!

She's not my only close friend like I'm not her only close friend either. And she's just as special as my other close friends, but maybe the most unique. Please note here that I'm using the words CLOSE FRIENDS instead of BEST FRIENDS. Your friends aren't always the BEST, but they are definitely CLOSE to your heart.

To this special and unique close friend: "I'm looking forward to another arguments and disagreements and snickering and bantering between the two of us as those that create a special bond between us. And yes.... it's scaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy...... hahahahahahaha"

To my other close friends: "Wait for your turn on this blog. And no, you can not say NO. Yes... good girls..."

KISS!! *CHUU*