day by day...

A little over lunchtime, and I had to go to a meeting. But just when I was about to step out of the building, it rained. So I took a taxi for the 500m ride. The ride only took less than 2 minutes.

I was singing a part of the Tohoshinki's Stand By U, just the part that I remembered when the driver asked me: "Ma'am, do you live in XXX area?" Since he mentioned the place where I live, I honestly answered: "Yes. But how do you know? Did you ever take me there before?" To which he gave out a little laugh & told me: "Because you're singing a Japanese song! And from all the people that I've had driven before, you're the only one who sang Japanese so I'd remember!"

For most people this is only a slightly funny experience. You laugh about it and then you forget about it. But for me, this is such a gentle reminder that every little action that you do, every words that you say, SOMEONE MIGHT REMEMBER. Maybe you think that you're doing something only for fun, or maybe you said some words just to lighten up the party without any intention to hurt. But SOMEONE MIGHT REMEMBER.

Another example for me, I was getting out of the church after a service and passing a granny who was walking with a crane. She was about to take the 3 little steps up to the foyer. As I was walking casually by, I stopped & reflexly held her arm so that she could take the steps more steadily. She thanked me, I gave her a smile and walked back out again. And I didn't remember this until long time later one member of the congregation came up to me and told me: "Hey, my mom said that you're a nice girl and that you've been kind to her. Thank you." I was confused because I didn't even know her mom. So I asked her who's her mom & what did I do, and she repeated the story that I just told you earlier. The granny's her mom. I didn't remember my action as something serious, but she's grateful for that little action.

And that's just one good example. What about the bad one? Ooooh, believe me, people remember more & better about bad things than the good ones!! ^^" A group of friends and I were talking & joking. As time went by, the joke became bolder and bolder until I told a friend: "Yeah, and your laugh is like a devil's laugh! You should check it out or you won't get into heaven!" Everyone laughed including that friend. But later on when we're setting up a committee for a program I was informed that she didn't want to work with me because she felt hurt with my joke. The joke was said like months ago!! BUT SHE REMEMBERED.

So next time I should think before I take actions, I should consider my words before I let them out. Because many times my little actions & words can change people's life or way of thinking. In everything I do or say SOMEONE MIGHT REMEMBER. And GOD REMEMBERS. I hope from today onwards there will be more good memories of me when people think of & remember me.

Today, October 29 2009, is my father's 71st birthday. But more than that, the date holds much more meanings for him. He always had mixed feelings about his birthday, and it always made me confuse how to react too. But back when mom was still around, it's much happier for him and much easier for us to be happy for him too. Despite his request not to celebrate, he couldn't say no to my mom since it's also their wedding anniversary. Here's what happened on his birthday in the past:

Today is the last day of the long Idul Fitri holiday... and you know what? I haven't been able to finish all the reading & the watching that I had planned to do before the holiday. And what would be my excuse this time? Too much to do? Not enough time? Or too short a holiday?

I thought I always told myself that holiday is no reason to be lazy... Honestly, I still woke up early in the morning like any other working days, though I went to bed a little later than usual... But I procrastinate in doing everything! And not doing it the way it should have been!

I woke up at 5am in the morning... I replayed my ipod again... closed my eyes and slept for another hour... At 6am, I turned on my side lamp & read things that I didn't plan to read... At 8 I woke up, took my time to do my bed... And by 9, I haven't even mopped the floor!

Even when I watched, I've actually made a watching list... but I ended up watching totally different movies/shows. And the worst was I fell asleep while watching/reading, and when I woke up instead of continuing it, I did something else! T____T

Anyway, even though things didn't go as planned, I'm still happy... I got the much needed sleep, time with dad, enough shopping, and definitely a whole lotta fun with some of close friends! Yeah, this time the housekeeper had decided to quit her job and I had to do the laundry (for my own clothes :p Dad washed his own hahahaha) & the much hated ironing... Thankfully my dad can cook his own food as I'm the useless one in the kitchen :p All I did was providing the raw material as requested hehehe *useless daughter*

Maybe I won't plan anything for my next holiday... maybe I should just let it roll however I like... but still, holiday is no reason to be lazy *once again* it's just another reason to take your time to to do things... Happy holiday!

2 nights ago I received an unexpected text message, it reads:

"Kakak, thanks for all your prayers. I got accepted in the Medical Faculty of University P***"

It took only 5 seconds before I spilled my tears. And those are happy tears.

I met this girl when she was in 5th grade. Her mom's my mom's close friend in church. At that time, she was also very clingy to her uncle, my friend & my duet partner in church. As she also had some domestic problems, she's very shy and cried easily. And for the next few years after our first meeting, she grew attached to me too. We talked a lot, I used to spend sometime with her & her siblings when our moms got together and I somewhat became a big sister figure for her and I cared a lot about her like a lil' sister I never had.

Circumstances made us lost contact for a few years when she was in Junior High. I met her again when she just got into High School. At that time, my mom was in her early medications, her mom talked to my mom on the phone about it and they decided that they should meet. So we met at Pondok Indah Mall over lunch on a Saturday.

During lunch, I found out that things at home were still hard for her. But to my surprise, she matured a lot during those years we weren't in touch. She took care of her 2 lil' sisters well and had such a strong personality. It was also a few days after her birthday, I remembered that I sent her a text message and her mom told me that she was very happy! She said: "Mom, she still remembers my birthday! She sent me an SMS!" It was also one of the reasons why our moms decided to meet. So I asked her what did she want for her present. She said a book, and she chose Memoirs of a Geisha at the bookstore. She seemed very happy. Then we ate ice cream together, and bought some snacks at the supermarket. We parted happily and promised to keep in touch. A promise that I couldn't keep.

She changed her phone number and at that time I was also busy taking care of my mom & struggled to cope up between my work & personal affairs. When my mom passed away, her mom came to the wake & funeral... and I was updated again with her stories. Yes finally we meet again through FB, but I didn't see her again until a few days before my surgery. She and her mom was at the hospital where I went and we got to chatted for a while there. Then I received the text message that I mentioned in the beginning of this post.

I cried over the news because I'm proud of her. Despite her hard times, she grew up strong and wise. I'm ashamed that I wasn't able to keep my promise to be there for her at her hard times, but she still sent me the message anyway. I almost feel like a parent whose child is going away to start a new path of her own. But I really wish that I could be a part of her future and do more for her than what I did in the past.

I can't be the big sister anymore for her but I want to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. I didn't promise her anymore that I'll keep in touch. Instead, I promise myself to do it. I'm praying for her happiness and her future. And I'm proud that my little girl has grown up strong. I still have a few years until she graduates and turned into a wise woman. And I surely want to support her until that time comes.

Did you ever regret your past?

I'm lying if I say I didn't. But if I have the chance to be back to the past, I still want to be what I am today. Yes, there were things that I really thought shouldn't have happened or I shouldn't have had done, words that shouldn't have said, but I can proudly say that I'm stronger & wiser today for what has happened in the past.

There were regrets alright, a lot of what ifs & maybes... but I have learned to accept them as part of my "life education". Just like when you get a red mark in school (well OK, this is bad example as I know some people never get a red mark and always being the top of the class!), there were times you get a red mark in life. And it's now how you can erase the red mark with tip-ex or eraser, but how to make it blue or black in the next exam. You look at your mistakes, find out what's the right formula, and solve the next problem in the right way.

That's why even in my age today, there are still things that I want to do while I'm still able to do it... I believe in "better late than never" though it's even better to "do it before it's too late". I'm saving money to travel somewhere far, I'm thinking of taking a guitar lesson in September (since the music school is in the same building of the new office), I'm still keen on getting better with my Japanese (will have to continue the lesson next month), and I'm looking forward to the mission trip with the Youth Ministry in December. Oh, and I want to write more and compose more songs... something that I haven't done in the past few years...

Wow!! Isn't the future exciting?? Even though we still don't know what's in there and what's going to happen to us the next 1 hour... nevertheless I can't wait to see what's my future going to bring, and it depends on what I'm doing today! I just trust my life in my God's hand 100%... but the most important thing is, doing my best for HIM and HIM only. Here I come my future!!