Today is the 1st anniversary of my mom’s passing away. One year used to be so long for me, but this time it went by so fast in a blink of an eye. Yet I felt so many changes in me that I wouldn’t even thought I’d had.
My brother came a few days ago, said that he wants to visit mom’s grave. Believe it or not, I haven’t visited her grave this past year, not even once. I still don’t know why it is so hard for me to go, I always found a reason not to go everytime my dad went. I feel so guilty. And some people thought that I’m a bad daughter for not going. But just the thought of her grave is giving me pain & heartache for whatever reasons, I can’t imagine how I’m going to react when I’m really there. So I’ll go when I feel I’m ready. But not today.
I asked my friend who already lost her mom so many years ago: “When will you get over the sadness of losing her? After 2 years? 5 years?” She smiled to me and said: “You will never get over it. Even after 10 years there will be times when you smile remembering your good times with her, but there will also be time when you cry remembering the same moments you spent with her. But as life goes by, you’ll be able to control your feelings and laugh more when you think about it.” I think it’s true.
I don’t cry so often anymore when I think of her. But I still miss her terribly when I have so much to tell. I used to tell her everything. What bothers me, what made me happy, what annoyed me, what I wanted to do, what I wanted to buy, what movies I watched, which boyband I was into… just everything! This past year without her sometimes felt so lonely. When something good happened to me, I kept smiling all the way home excited to share my happiness just to found my dad already in bed. I smiled like an idiot by myself in my bedroom ha3x That’s the kind of thing that I missed the most.
Life goes on… I move on… But I really wish I could visit her grave soon… at least before another anniversary v(^_^)v
My brother came a few days ago, said that he wants to visit mom’s grave. Believe it or not, I haven’t visited her grave this past year, not even once. I still don’t know why it is so hard for me to go, I always found a reason not to go everytime my dad went. I feel so guilty. And some people thought that I’m a bad daughter for not going. But just the thought of her grave is giving me pain & heartache for whatever reasons, I can’t imagine how I’m going to react when I’m really there. So I’ll go when I feel I’m ready. But not today.
I asked my friend who already lost her mom so many years ago: “When will you get over the sadness of losing her? After 2 years? 5 years?” She smiled to me and said: “You will never get over it. Even after 10 years there will be times when you smile remembering your good times with her, but there will also be time when you cry remembering the same moments you spent with her. But as life goes by, you’ll be able to control your feelings and laugh more when you think about it.” I think it’s true.
I don’t cry so often anymore when I think of her. But I still miss her terribly when I have so much to tell. I used to tell her everything. What bothers me, what made me happy, what annoyed me, what I wanted to do, what I wanted to buy, what movies I watched, which boyband I was into… just everything! This past year without her sometimes felt so lonely. When something good happened to me, I kept smiling all the way home excited to share my happiness just to found my dad already in bed. I smiled like an idiot by myself in my bedroom ha3x That’s the kind of thing that I missed the most.
Life goes on… I move on… But I really wish I could visit her grave soon… at least before another anniversary v(^_^)v
1 comment:
life goes on yaaah.. GBU, tre
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