Funny how the death of our loved one can also bring us to another form of relationship. To get to know someone new or just catching up with those we lost ties many years ago.
Last month I just lost my cousin whom I haven't met for many years. The moment I found out about her illness she was already in her 3rd comatose day in the Intensive Care Unit. It was a shock to our big family cause we never heard that she's been sick or anything since her husband's death a few years ago. And she lived out of town, about 5 hours train ride from where I live.
I've been sick for a few weeks at that time and wasn't able to take a leave from the office. So I asked for my nieces' mobile numbers from my other cousin. A few messages later I was struck with a feeling that this might be the last time I would be able to see her. I found out about her declining condition on Thursday morning, decided to go and see her on that night, asked my brother to buy me train tickets on Friday morning and took the Saturday morning train with my cousin & one of my aunts.
And I never regret my decision to come.
It was an exhausting trip especially in my condition. I couldn't sleep well the night before, afraid that I would wake up late. As soon as we arrived we searched for return tickets and apparently the only tickets available are leaving on the same day around midnight. Sunday train tickets were all sold out, so we bought the midnight tickets right away.
My comatose cousin's 2 daughters picked us up at the station, and it's also been many years since I saw them. One of them is already a mother of 3 (the youngest was only 5 months old) and the other one was actually working in Dubai and took an emergency leave to see her mother. We went directly to the hospital to see my cousin and met another daughter of hers who lived with her in the same house. We only got 1 chance to see her outside the visiting hour but I used that few minutes to pray for her and told her that I was there.
From the hospital we went to my cousin's place to have shower and to catch an early dinner there. Surprisingly, I got to meet my 3 granddaughters and 2 grandsons there including the 5 months old baby, Jasmine. We spent our limited hours trying to catch up on our personal lives, shared some laughter in the middle of our sadness, held my grandchildren whom I never met since they were born and most importantly prayed together for my cousin and her children. That night we separated with a heavy heart, like leaving our family behind.
2 days after my return my cousin passed away. And I didn't get to go over for her funeral but my dear cousin Sarah did.
And she returned with a bunch of stories that broke my heart but also made me long to see my long lost nieces and grandchildren again.
Last week suddenly I received a message from one of my niece in Dubai. She told me how much she missed her mom and felt that she hadn't done enough for her. I told her that I felt the same when my mom passed away, but she has to believe that she has made her happy when she was alive. And I'm happy that she could share how she felt with me cause it meant that I have become a real family and friend for her.
Isn't it funny what death can do? It separates you from the one you love, but it can also you brings you someone else to love. In my case, I got to connect with the grandchildren I've never seen and re-connect with the nieces I haven't met for more than a decade.
When I decided to see my comatose cousin those few weeks ago, I twitted this:
But now after thinking about everything that has happened this past month, I thought that we didn't reconnect in a less fortunate circumstance either. I have met my nieces in the moment when they needed my support and comfort most. Thus, we got to see each other's heart deeper and in a more open way than laughter could bring. We held each other's hands when we prayed, we embraced each other tightly when we said 'so long'.
I promised myself to get to know them better from now on.
To rebuild the broken bridge between their parents and myself.
To be a part of my grandchildren's growth and (hopefully) future. I don't want them to see me one day and doesn't even know my name.
Life in a big city takes up so much time and energy from us. But if we can spend a day hanging out at the mall why can't we spend another just to get to know our extended family better?
I still have more long lost cousins, nieces and nephews that I have to connect and reconnect with. And I promise myself to get to know them more with laughter... so when the sad moments come, we're ready to share our burdens without the awkwardness and fear of not being understood.
And here's the bonus, pictures of my grandchildren. Aren't they beautiful? :)
When I decided to see my comatose cousin those few weeks ago, I twitted this:
How sad that we have to see each other in this kind of circumstances instead of a happy one.
But now after thinking about everything that has happened this past month, I thought that we didn't reconnect in a less fortunate circumstance either. I have met my nieces in the moment when they needed my support and comfort most. Thus, we got to see each other's heart deeper and in a more open way than laughter could bring. We held each other's hands when we prayed, we embraced each other tightly when we said 'so long'.
I promised myself to get to know them better from now on.
To rebuild the broken bridge between their parents and myself.
To be a part of my grandchildren's growth and (hopefully) future. I don't want them to see me one day and doesn't even know my name.
Life in a big city takes up so much time and energy from us. But if we can spend a day hanging out at the mall why can't we spend another just to get to know our extended family better?
I still have more long lost cousins, nieces and nephews that I have to connect and reconnect with. And I promise myself to get to know them more with laughter... so when the sad moments come, we're ready to share our burdens without the awkwardness and fear of not being understood.
And here's the bonus, pictures of my grandchildren. Aren't they beautiful? :)
With Jessica and Jasmine
With 5 month-old Jasmine
