Yesterday was supposed to be my mom's birthday. When I woke up in the morning I didn't feel a bit sad, I thought I got over the sentimental part already... well, though not completely. But then I talked to my brother who also celebrated his birthday on the same day. He told me that he's sad to celebrate his birthday by himself for the 1st time. And suddenly I felt so lonely.
My mom was the kind of person who fuss over birthdays and stuff. She always remembered people's birthday and never missed a present or a cake. There will always be some birthday cake of some sort that she bought herself on her birthday :) But yesterday was different. No celebration, no cake, no morning kiss. I tried to think that it must be harder for my brother but still the loneliness was there. It didn't go away.
For the past few weeks I've been thinking about an old friend of mine and I missed her so much, especially yesterday. Perhaps because she knew my mother longer than most of my other close friends and there were moment we spent with each other's family. I long for our time together. I sent her a text message a couple of days before but didn't get a reply until (amazingly) yesterday. And she admitted that she's been thinking of me too. I cried behind the wheel when I read her message.
She also said: "tough time to adjust to a lot of 1st time.." Then I realized that there will be lots of "1st times of something without mom" that I'll go through in the future but I'm glad that my friend understood. I felt that we're connected againafter being away from each other for quite sometime. And it was also the 1st time that I felt so grateful to have someone who understood me even when we're apart. And she has helped me back on my feet again.
Arigatou. You know who you are.
