Waiting for the life and death of somebody isn’t easy to deal with. Especially if it’s somebody you know very well and very close to. In this case, it’s my mother. She’s been falling into half coma since Friday morning, the day that she was supposed to return home and be with the family for the rest of her life. But it seemed that GOD had another plan for her and for us, her family.
Family & relatives had been staying at the hospital with us most of the time since then. We sang for her, we talked to her, we prayed with her. At one moment my father, brother & myself gathered together beside my mom’s bed. We took turns to talk to her, sang & prayed for her. We cried together and we could see that tears also fell from the corner of her eyes even though she couldn’t respond to us anymore. And before we did that, I had to console my father first, told him that he had to be prepared for whatever GOD wants to decide. And for the first time in my life I saw him crying hard and told me that he couldn’t let go because he could still hear her calling out to him, “PAPI, PAPI!”, that she’s still in pain, how his heart broke to see her so weak and vulnerable like that. I tried so hard no to let my tears fell freely. After that I went inside my mom’s hospital room and asked my uncle to talk to him.
For 3 consecutive days we would take turns in watching her. My dad would stayed at night, brother & I at noon until around 10pm. During those days, I’d go home with my brother or he would go home first (as he had to come earlier than me) so at least there’ll be someone with me when I got home.
But last night I had to leave the hospital early cause I had to work this morning. There were some stuff that I left unconfirmed on Friday when I heard about my mom’s condition. The moment I entered the darkened house, my heart beat so hard. When I entered my room and turned on the lights, all my defenses fell and I cried hard and loud. I screamed from the top my lungs and cried out her name. I yelled: “MAMI, KAKAK SUDAH PULANG!! MAMI, KAKAK KANGEN MAMI!!” ("Mami, I’m home!! Mami, I miss you!!”) It just suddenly dawned on me that my mom might not be there for me anymore. That she might not clean my bedroom anymore (and I would get mad at her cause I’d find trouble to find my stuff), she might not peeked into my room anymore to see whether I’m asleep or not and turn off my lights, she might not annoyed me by barging into my room anymore just to see what do I watch that made me laugh so loud. She might not searched for Naruto bedsheet for me anymore (now that I had 2 sets already), she might not call me at work anymore just to ask me to have a nice dinner after work with her, she might not call me at night anymore just to check how come I haven’t got home at 11pm (and usually I’d turn off my phone and lied that the battery ran out). There could be thousands of things that I could list down of the things that she wouldn’t do for me anymore. That’s when it started to hurt me deeply.
I don’t know how long will I be able to bear this… GOD still holds the privilege to do a miracle despite everything that we see. But if HE decides to call her home to heaven, we all pray that she wouldn’t be in pain & that her soul is saved.
Family & relatives had been staying at the hospital with us most of the time since then. We sang for her, we talked to her, we prayed with her. At one moment my father, brother & myself gathered together beside my mom’s bed. We took turns to talk to her, sang & prayed for her. We cried together and we could see that tears also fell from the corner of her eyes even though she couldn’t respond to us anymore. And before we did that, I had to console my father first, told him that he had to be prepared for whatever GOD wants to decide. And for the first time in my life I saw him crying hard and told me that he couldn’t let go because he could still hear her calling out to him, “PAPI, PAPI!”, that she’s still in pain, how his heart broke to see her so weak and vulnerable like that. I tried so hard no to let my tears fell freely. After that I went inside my mom’s hospital room and asked my uncle to talk to him.
For 3 consecutive days we would take turns in watching her. My dad would stayed at night, brother & I at noon until around 10pm. During those days, I’d go home with my brother or he would go home first (as he had to come earlier than me) so at least there’ll be someone with me when I got home.
But last night I had to leave the hospital early cause I had to work this morning. There were some stuff that I left unconfirmed on Friday when I heard about my mom’s condition. The moment I entered the darkened house, my heart beat so hard. When I entered my room and turned on the lights, all my defenses fell and I cried hard and loud. I screamed from the top my lungs and cried out her name. I yelled: “MAMI, KAKAK SUDAH PULANG!! MAMI, KAKAK KANGEN MAMI!!” ("Mami, I’m home!! Mami, I miss you!!”) It just suddenly dawned on me that my mom might not be there for me anymore. That she might not clean my bedroom anymore (and I would get mad at her cause I’d find trouble to find my stuff), she might not peeked into my room anymore to see whether I’m asleep or not and turn off my lights, she might not annoyed me by barging into my room anymore just to see what do I watch that made me laugh so loud. She might not searched for Naruto bedsheet for me anymore (now that I had 2 sets already), she might not call me at work anymore just to ask me to have a nice dinner after work with her, she might not call me at night anymore just to check how come I haven’t got home at 11pm (and usually I’d turn off my phone and lied that the battery ran out). There could be thousands of things that I could list down of the things that she wouldn’t do for me anymore. That’s when it started to hurt me deeply.
I don’t know how long will I be able to bear this… GOD still holds the privilege to do a miracle despite everything that we see. But if HE decides to call her home to heaven, we all pray that she wouldn’t be in pain & that her soul is saved.
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