Missing You

Is it possible to miss someone that you only knew for a few days??

On my holiday to South Korea 2 year ago, I stayed at an apartment that belonged to a kind-hearted Uncle. He really cared about us, more than a host should and so did his family. Even though his wife didn't speak English, she still came down to check up on us and what we might run out in the fridge. When we said that we liked Kimchi, she sent some of her own home-made to us downstairs (the family lived in the 5th Floor while we stayed at the 1st).

On our last day in Seoul, we woke him up at 5am to take us to the bus station to take the shuttle to the airport. Somehow I became teary eyed and we hugged for a long time until the bus driver honked me to quickly get in so the bus can leave :) It was in October.

In December I sent him a framed picture of us together which we took at the apartment and somehow someway he found me in Kakao Talk and we started to communicate regularly. 

He sent me pictures of his hometown on Seollal, I sent him a picture of me being trapped in Jakarta's traffic jam. 

When I told him I was a little bit sick, he sent me a short prayer.

When I dyed my hair red and asked me how did I look? He told me I was pretty like a K-pop Idol :)

Somehow this morning I felt kind of missed him and sent him a "Hi, how are you?" He replied with: "I miss you so much." And suddenly I felt like crying. 

I told him I missed him and Seoul as well, he told me that he had plans to come to Jakarta and will call me.

I told him that I'm getting a new job and won't be able to go on vacation for a while. He sent me a picture of him and his wife by the beautiful sea and told me that if I ever return to Seoul he will take me to another holiday with his family.

I told him that now I really really really miss him. And he showed me of that framed picture of ours, hanging proudly in his living room wall along with his son's graduation picture.

So know I now that it's possible to miss someone that I only knew for a few days. Badly.

It's not how long you know someone to show that you care, it's in the heart. And I can't wait for another chance too see him and his family again. Hopefully soon.

I love you Uncle Sang Woo and hope to see you soon, be it in Jakarta or in Seoul v(^w^)v

The Life of a Fangirl

Most people who's not into idol-ship, always laugh at my face and says I'm too old for idol-shipping. But again and again I told them, "These are the things that make me happy and I don't ask for your money to fund my idol-shipping life-style, so why bother me?"

If you think that I have such a bad case of idol shipping, I'm telling you, "You ain't seen nothing yet, baby!" I'm not even like... 20% into it like many people that I know of. You wanna know some?

BAD CASE OF IDOL-SHIPPING

(1) Make a living out of following the idols wherever they go. They take pictures of them in concerts, airports, outside their agencies, etc. Compile the pictures in a hard cover book, sell them to other fangirls. And I'm telling you, they're not cheap.

(2) Buy every products the idols endorse. Be it skin care, clothing, accessories, name it! There are always hundreds of rich fangirls who would buy.

(3) Gift their idols with expensive and branded stuff. From Tiffany's necklace, Givenchy coat to Louis Vuitton purse. Yeah... I wish I could afford at least one of them LOL

(4) Buy every CDs & DVDs that the idols release. Yes, it's normal, I know. But not when the same CD is released in several types with different bonus and cover. Worse when you ship a group. If they have 5 members and release a CD with a random bonus of each member's photo, and you don't get the one that you want? Some fangirls would keep buying until they get what they want. At least others gave up at after 5 and just trade the photo online. Oh, bless the fandom!

(5) Attending the idols' concerts in every part of the world. Yes, there are some people who can afford it, believe it or not :)

Those are probably just half of the reality but they don't impress me less anyway. In fact, I don't do any of them. Heck, I can't even afford a new smartphone every year (every 2 years is the most) how the hell would I afford travelling around the world or purchase 10 different CDs & DVDs every 6 months!!

So you see, I'm just a normal fangirl in this idol-shipping world, just one ordinary fan in fandom. So what do I do to stay as a 'good fangirl' ?

MY CASE OF IDOL-SHIPPING

(1) Buy their new released CDs online through itunes as soon they're up for sale. It's not that I don't want the bonus or the photos, but like I said 'Bless the fandom', there are always kind-hearted people who would upload the bonus with subtitle and scan hi-res photos and provide them online for me to download T___T Oh, and of course, the never ending downloads of their performances and every variety shows they're in!

(2) I dyed my hair in the same shade of my favorite boys :) Well, I can afford this one for sure and it's not so damaging to my wallet.

(3) Contemplating over an hour of whether to buy or not to buy the new DVD that contains the boy's BTS video on their concerts, hotel rooms, rehearsals etc... with my fingers hovering over the PC's keyboard staring at DVDHeaven's website... and finally clicked 'Pre-Order Now' and wince over my credit card bills a month later. Oh, and shocked the whole office when I scream when the DVD arrives.

(4) Still at work and suddenly can't continue working after seeing Baekhyun's new hair color in livejournal -- possibly for the new album's concept. I mean, Baekhyun in black is just... I just cant! 

credit: as in picture

So I guess I'm just a normal girl who happens to like boybands and pretty boys, yes? Nothing out of the ordinary. And I don't care if you wanna judge me, they make me happy.

I spend only what I can afford, sing along to their songs, and laugh out loud over their idiocy in variety shows. Ah... the life of a fangirl :)

Pregnancy & Expectations

In case you're wondering if I'm pregnant... well, I'm not :) But someone close to me is. And I'd like to share this amazing journey of her pregnancy.

One thing I could also share is that I was never fond of pregnancy. Sure, I love babies, I love children, but only after they were born. I didn't like being close to a pregnant woman. I suddenly felt awkward, like I should at least make a comment but other than: "When is the baby due?" and "I hope you have a healthy pregnancy.", I completely had no idea what to say. 

If you think that's weird, I also couldn't stand being close to them, let alone touch the baby bump! I had a shiver down my spine when someone asked me to touch her baby bump many years ago. But finally... just finally... I fell in love with one special baby bump of my friend, Pitshu :)

I didn't know how and why, but when she told me that she was pregnant in July 6, 2013, I was a little overwhelmed. Something like, "Oh! It happens!" She also told me that I was one of the firsts to know, that made me feel a bit special but that's that. Then she asked me for reference to be her obgyn for this pregnancy. I was like: "Errr, I'm not married and I've never been pregnant, why are you asking me of all people?" LOL Of course I wasn't the only one that she asked for reference, but she trusted me, and that made me feel even more special and more into her pregnancy, especially since she chose the doctor that I recommended based on my other friends' recommendation.

From then on, the journey of expectations started, not just for her and her husband and also for me. I may never accompanied her to any of her visits (her schedules are always on weekdays and in the morning) but everytime she returned from the obgyn she would 'report' to me everything about the baby. From the size, the health, its position and finally its gender. IT'S A BOY! And I was laughing loudly when she announced! She asked me why I was so happy that it's a boy, and I replied to her: "Because then I could take him out to play with just a pair of shorts and T-shirt! I don't know what to do with girls, too much of a hassle!" And another expectations bloomed... I started to look forward for the development of the baby.

Know what's the biggest change in me? I love her baby bump & couldn't stop myself from touching and caressing it everytime we met! ROFL Finally... there's a pregnant woman that I could stand being close to and a baby bump I fell in love with.

I still have no idea how it happened... but I'm happy with this experience that my friend had kindly shared with me and let me be a part of it. Maybe because she tried to involve me into her pregnancy (unintended and unexpectedly) from day 1, or maybe just because we're close, but for whatever reason, she made me happy. And the (soon to be arriving) baby made me happy. Just like my friend and her husband have expectations for the baby, I also had mine. That I will see him growing up healthily, that one day I'll get to take him to play and watch movies, that I'll take him out for ice cream even when his parents say no :)

Pitshu is due in a couple of weeks... I wish her only the best in everything... and that the baby boy will be born safely and healthily. And here's a picture of the three of us last Saturday. BABY BOY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE YOU SOON!!!

Connect and Reconnect

Funny how the death of our loved one can also bring us to another form of relationship. To get to know someone new or just catching up with those we lost ties many years ago.

Last month I just lost my cousin whom I haven't met for many years. The moment I found out about her illness she was already in her 3rd comatose day in the Intensive Care Unit. It was a shock to our big family cause we never heard that she's been sick or anything since her husband's death a few years ago. And she lived out of town, about 5 hours train ride from where I live.

I've been sick for a few weeks at that time and wasn't able to take a leave from the office. So I asked for my nieces' mobile numbers from my other cousin. A few messages later I was struck with a feeling that this might be the last time I would be able to see her. I found out about her declining condition on Thursday morning, decided to go and see her on that night, asked my brother to buy me train tickets on Friday morning and took the Saturday morning train with my cousin & one of my aunts.

And I never regret my decision to come.

It was an exhausting trip especially in my condition. I couldn't sleep well the night before, afraid that I would wake up late. As soon as we arrived we searched for return tickets and apparently the only tickets available are leaving on the same day around midnight. Sunday train tickets were all sold out, so we bought the midnight tickets right away.

My comatose cousin's 2 daughters picked us up at the station, and it's also been many years since I saw them. One of them is already a mother of 3 (the youngest was only 5 months old) and the other one was actually working in Dubai and took an emergency leave to see her mother. We went directly to the hospital to see my cousin and met another daughter of hers who lived with her in the same house. We only got 1 chance to see her outside the visiting hour but I used that few minutes to pray for her and told her that I was there.

From the hospital we went to my cousin's place to have shower and to catch an early dinner there. Surprisingly, I got to meet my 3 granddaughters and 2 grandsons there including the 5 months old baby, Jasmine. We spent our limited hours trying to catch up on our personal lives, shared some laughter in the middle of our sadness, held my grandchildren whom I never met since they were born and most importantly prayed together for my cousin and her children. That night we separated with a heavy heart, like leaving our family behind.

2 days after my return my cousin passed away. And I didn't get to go over for her funeral but my dear cousin Sarah did.

And she returned with a bunch of stories that broke my heart but also made me long to see my long lost nieces and grandchildren again.

Last week suddenly I received a message from one of my niece in Dubai. She told me how much she missed her mom and felt that she hadn't done enough for her. I told her that I felt the same when my mom passed away, but she has to believe that she has made her happy when she was alive. And I'm happy that she could share how she felt with me cause it meant that I have become a real family and friend for her.

Isn't it funny what death can do? It separates you from the one you love, but it can also you brings you someone else to love. In my case, I got to connect with the grandchildren I've never seen and re-connect with the nieces I haven't met for more than a decade.

When I decided to see my comatose cousin those few weeks ago, I twitted this:

How sad that we have to see each other in this kind of circumstances instead of a happy one.

But now after thinking about everything that has happened this past month, I thought that we didn't reconnect in a less fortunate circumstance either. I have met my nieces in the moment when they needed my support and comfort most. Thus, we got to see each other's heart deeper and in a more open way than laughter could bring. We held each other's hands when we prayed, we embraced each other tightly when we said 'so long'.

I promised myself to get to know them better from now on. 
To rebuild the broken bridge between their parents and myself.
To be a part of my grandchildren's growth and (hopefully) future. I don't want them to see me one day and doesn't even know my name.

Life in a big city takes up so much time and energy from us. But if we can spend a day hanging out at the mall why can't we spend another just to get to know our extended family better?

I still have more long lost cousins, nieces and nephews that I have to connect and reconnect with. And I promise myself to get to know them more with laughter... so when the sad moments come, we're ready to share our burdens without the awkwardness and fear of not being understood.

And here's the bonus, pictures of my grandchildren. Aren't they beautiful? :)

With Jessica and Jasmine 

With 5 month-old Jasmine

Finally...

I just realized that I posted a long time ago to start taking guitar lesson but I never did... There were so many reasons (or excuses?) that prevented me to go ahead and register myself to one. But last week I finally did and now I'm so looking forward to my first lesson in November.

Checked Yamaha Music School nearby the office if they have a late night class and was told they have Acoustic Guitar class every Thursday at 8pm, new class starts every month. The next day I  went and registered myself for the next new class.

I took the class because I wanted to be able to play better. I play guitar and sing to make myself feel better but end up feeling frustrated because of my limited chords' ability LOL Actually I was considering to take drum lesson since I've had the basic and had taken an informal lesson long time ago, but since I don't even have a drum set I guess I'd have to hold it for the time being.

But yeah, I'd like to continue my drum lesson next year. My cousin said  I should just bought a drum pad for exercising at home but after checking the price I could actually get an electric drum set for a little more. I hope I can save more money to buy one next year and eventually have my drum lesson while still continuing my guitar class.

Well, never too late to start something :) I haven't even started yet but I already have a list of songs that I'd like to be able to play soon ROFL