Connect and Reconnect

Funny how the death of our loved one can also bring us to another form of relationship. To get to know someone new or just catching up with those we lost ties many years ago.

Last month I just lost my cousin whom I haven't met for many years. The moment I found out about her illness she was already in her 3rd comatose day in the Intensive Care Unit. It was a shock to our big family cause we never heard that she's been sick or anything since her husband's death a few years ago. And she lived out of town, about 5 hours train ride from where I live.

I've been sick for a few weeks at that time and wasn't able to take a leave from the office. So I asked for my nieces' mobile numbers from my other cousin. A few messages later I was struck with a feeling that this might be the last time I would be able to see her. I found out about her declining condition on Thursday morning, decided to go and see her on that night, asked my brother to buy me train tickets on Friday morning and took the Saturday morning train with my cousin & one of my aunts.

And I never regret my decision to come.

It was an exhausting trip especially in my condition. I couldn't sleep well the night before, afraid that I would wake up late. As soon as we arrived we searched for return tickets and apparently the only tickets available are leaving on the same day around midnight. Sunday train tickets were all sold out, so we bought the midnight tickets right away.

My comatose cousin's 2 daughters picked us up at the station, and it's also been many years since I saw them. One of them is already a mother of 3 (the youngest was only 5 months old) and the other one was actually working in Dubai and took an emergency leave to see her mother. We went directly to the hospital to see my cousin and met another daughter of hers who lived with her in the same house. We only got 1 chance to see her outside the visiting hour but I used that few minutes to pray for her and told her that I was there.

From the hospital we went to my cousin's place to have shower and to catch an early dinner there. Surprisingly, I got to meet my 3 granddaughters and 2 grandsons there including the 5 months old baby, Jasmine. We spent our limited hours trying to catch up on our personal lives, shared some laughter in the middle of our sadness, held my grandchildren whom I never met since they were born and most importantly prayed together for my cousin and her children. That night we separated with a heavy heart, like leaving our family behind.

2 days after my return my cousin passed away. And I didn't get to go over for her funeral but my dear cousin Sarah did.

And she returned with a bunch of stories that broke my heart but also made me long to see my long lost nieces and grandchildren again.

Last week suddenly I received a message from one of my niece in Dubai. She told me how much she missed her mom and felt that she hadn't done enough for her. I told her that I felt the same when my mom passed away, but she has to believe that she has made her happy when she was alive. And I'm happy that she could share how she felt with me cause it meant that I have become a real family and friend for her.

Isn't it funny what death can do? It separates you from the one you love, but it can also you brings you someone else to love. In my case, I got to connect with the grandchildren I've never seen and re-connect with the nieces I haven't met for more than a decade.

When I decided to see my comatose cousin those few weeks ago, I twitted this:

How sad that we have to see each other in this kind of circumstances instead of a happy one.

But now after thinking about everything that has happened this past month, I thought that we didn't reconnect in a less fortunate circumstance either. I have met my nieces in the moment when they needed my support and comfort most. Thus, we got to see each other's heart deeper and in a more open way than laughter could bring. We held each other's hands when we prayed, we embraced each other tightly when we said 'so long'.

I promised myself to get to know them better from now on. 
To rebuild the broken bridge between their parents and myself.
To be a part of my grandchildren's growth and (hopefully) future. I don't want them to see me one day and doesn't even know my name.

Life in a big city takes up so much time and energy from us. But if we can spend a day hanging out at the mall why can't we spend another just to get to know our extended family better?

I still have more long lost cousins, nieces and nephews that I have to connect and reconnect with. And I promise myself to get to know them more with laughter... so when the sad moments come, we're ready to share our burdens without the awkwardness and fear of not being understood.

And here's the bonus, pictures of my grandchildren. Aren't they beautiful? :)

With Jessica and Jasmine 

With 5 month-old Jasmine

Finally...

I just realized that I posted a long time ago to start taking guitar lesson but I never did... There were so many reasons (or excuses?) that prevented me to go ahead and register myself to one. But last week I finally did and now I'm so looking forward to my first lesson in November.

Checked Yamaha Music School nearby the office if they have a late night class and was told they have Acoustic Guitar class every Thursday at 8pm, new class starts every month. The next day I  went and registered myself for the next new class.

I took the class because I wanted to be able to play better. I play guitar and sing to make myself feel better but end up feeling frustrated because of my limited chords' ability LOL Actually I was considering to take drum lesson since I've had the basic and had taken an informal lesson long time ago, but since I don't even have a drum set I guess I'd have to hold it for the time being.

But yeah, I'd like to continue my drum lesson next year. My cousin said  I should just bought a drum pad for exercising at home but after checking the price I could actually get an electric drum set for a little more. I hope I can save more money to buy one next year and eventually have my drum lesson while still continuing my guitar class.

Well, never too late to start something :) I haven't even started yet but I already have a list of songs that I'd like to be able to play soon ROFL

My Purple / Violet Story

It all started with a pair of sneakers.

So I finally redyed my red hair that began to look like a mix of half dirty blonde half orange with a shade of red. This time I went to a real professional, a Korean stylist. Once I was seated and my hair washed, the stylist - Mr. Yun - asked me: "What color do you want for your hair?" I wanted EXO's Baekyun's hair color the moment I saw it in Wolf promo, so I took out my phone, browsed the gallery and showed him 2 pictures of my purple haired baby.

He smiled and said: "So you like purple?" It's the first time that someone asked me such a simple question but it took me a few seconds to answer. "I guess?... Yeah, I think I do." And he told me: "Okay, this time we're doing Hair Manicure instead of coloring, and the color is violet." I just nodded in agreement though I didn't understand LOL

Two hours later I went out of the hair boutique with a fluffy violet hair, new hair style and lavender nails (the service came with free manicure) :) And I had to admit that I love my new look! Hahaha And here comes the story of how I got to love the color purple / violet...

My wardrobe and accessories have always been limited to basic colors such as black, grey, charcoal, navy, silver or dark brown. I'm too lazy to mix and match my outfit so those colors are considered 'safe' for me. With an exception of Blue. I think I don't mind with any shades of blue, be it baby blue, navy or sky blue or whatever blue there is. And I'm the kind who dress up in one tone, so I just have to have my stuff in those range of colors.

Until I wanted a pair of fitflop sneakers. What I wanted came in 3 colors: Dark Shadow Silver, Plum Metallica and Navy Blue. Of course my first choice was Dark Shadow Silver, but they ran out of my size. Navy Blue still had my size but my cousin said that Plum Metallica looked nicer. I thought, why not wait another day before I made up my mind? 

But of course the next day when I logged in there's no more Navy Blue with my size. That left me with no option but Plum Metallica. I'm veeeeerrrryyy picky with shoes but that's another story. To make a long story short, I reluctantly bought the Plum Metallica sneakers.

The sneakers fit me perfectly. And I just love to wear it anywhere since it's super comfortable. But of course, it would look better with matching clothes, right? Right?

So I started buying purple / violet shirts... then bracelet... then pen... then other small stuff follow to the point where I can wear purple / violet color coordinated outfit and finally I admitted at the Korean Hair Boutique, yes I like purple now. Anyone who wants to buy me anything, please remember that purple / violet is now an option ROFL

Oh, not to forget, here's my new look straight out of the Hair Boutique... How do you like it? I love it, thank you very much hahaha

photo courtesy of Ade Julianti

Make-up, make over?

I used to hate doing make-up. Usually someone else has to do it for me. So what changed? My visit to South Korea and Korean cosmetics. ROFL Everywhere I went I would see rows and rows of cosmetics shops from all the Korean brand that I've heard or not heard before. And I was surprised to see the extension of the products, from skin care to make-ups and whatever things I didn't imagine existed hahaha

I actually don't hate the make-ups, but I used to feel that applying them was complicated. I couldn't even apply eye liner until a few months ago when I found this product.

Missha M Real Lasting Pen Eyeliner

I read some nice reviews on this product and how easy to apply it. Honestly, my previous efforts in applying eyeliner were embarrassing enough. I'm glad I never took any pictures of those times when I tried it out in my bedroom! But this thing is something that I can't miss now... The pointy tip makes me more confident in drawing the line, so my hand is more steady when holding it.

And when it comes to eye shadow, I really had no idea how to combine the basic colors. But yes, I could at least apply it, thanks to some basic training from being in church choir a long time ago :) But this thing really helps, I don't need any brush, just my fingers and voila! I got the color combination that I like.

Missha The Style Triple Perfection Shadow

I even got 2 of these, Brownie Pink for day wear and Grape Purple for night wear. Other than these products, I also found that lots of make-up tutorials in youtube also helpful. And finally I got to try to apply my own make-up to a party last weekend. Bwahahaha Can I show off? It's not that visible here, but I hope you notice a little change on my eyes.

How did I look? Hahaha I'm hoping for a compliment when I'm asking :) It's a new pair of glasses that I was wearing, by the way.

And if you're asking why I'm using MISSHA instead of more famous products in Indonesia, well at first it's because my boys were endorsing it. LOL But after trying out its products I''m quite satisfied with the result, so I kept purchasing them.

MISSHA with TVXQ

Just look at the promotion ad! I mean, HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT THEIR FACES AND NOT BUYING ANYTHING? LOL

Oh well, maybe it's just my lame excuses, but they make me feel good and happy. So yeah, let's look at more tutorials and have my own make over. 

Credit: Pictures belong to Missha... except mine, unless they want me to endorse their products :p

I'll miss you...

Every Sunday morning at church, there's a grandma sitting at the very back who would give me a hug and kisses on my cheeks. Sometimes she brought me chocolates or candies, wrapped them up in small plastic bags and slipped them into my palm as she kissed me.

She sat at the back because she used a cane and had trouble walking. If we looked at each other from afar she would wave her hands at me and gave me her sweetest smile. Oma Hartati was one of my highlight on Sunday service but God loved her more. She passed away last Saturday day night after celebrating her 86th birthday on September 3rd. And I didn't realize just how much I would miss seeing her until she's gone.

And this brought back so many memories of those who had left us lately. I was so taken aback by the fact that death always left us astounded no matter how close or how far we are from it. Even the death of  people we don't know personally would still leave us overwhelmed, in disbelief.

Last year I got to watch Tohoshinki's TONE Tour at Osaka-jo Hall. I had a hard time in obtaining the tickets but I had help from a Japanese girl that went by with the name t-hikari (or hikari-chan by her online friends) who posted a complete info on how tickets were sold in Japan. I sent her a few messages and she kindly replied with info and a kind wish. In the end someone else got me the tickets but I still got to read her LJ every now and then and she kept replying to my comments.

Imagine the shock when I read messages & twits on June 11th that that she had passed away the day before after battling breast cancer for a couple of years, and just before she started a new series of chemo. To be honest, I really enjoyed reading her amusing LJ posts about our beloved duo. And right after the announcement of her passing by her sister, she also deleted all of her posts because it hurt her too much read all the happy words that she had written, reflecting her real self as a devoted fan. I can totally understand that though I wished I had saved some of her writings just to have a laughter or two.

Every encounter has its own memories. And I'm glad that I have shared a happy memory with both Oma Hartati and hikari-chan. It's not whether you know someone in the flesh or how well you know someone to feel the loss through death. It still hurts.

No matter how much we hurt, life goes on for the living. I'll miss them both, but I'll be smiling when I remembered how happy they had been and they had made me no matter how short the time we knew each other.

I'll miss your hugs and kisses Oma Hartati, till we meet again in heaven!

And thank you for the sweet memory and the chance to get to know you, hikari-chan! You'll always be remembered when I look at our boys :)

WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR OURSELVES ALONE DIES WITH US; WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR OTHERS AND THE WORLD REMAINS AND IS IMMORTAL.

- Albert Pike -