Holiday

Today is the last day of the long Idul Fitri holiday... and you know what? I haven't been able to finish all the reading & the watching that I had planned to do before the holiday. And what would be my excuse this time? Too much to do? Not enough time? Or too short a holiday?

I thought I always told myself that holiday is no reason to be lazy... Honestly, I still woke up early in the morning like any other working days, though I went to bed a little later than usual... But I procrastinate in doing everything! And not doing it the way it should have been!

I woke up at 5am in the morning... I replayed my ipod again... closed my eyes and slept for another hour... At 6am, I turned on my side lamp & read things that I didn't plan to read... At 8 I woke up, took my time to do my bed... And by 9, I haven't even mopped the floor!

Even when I watched, I've actually made a watching list... but I ended up watching totally different movies/shows. And the worst was I fell asleep while watching/reading, and when I woke up instead of continuing it, I did something else! T____T

Anyway, even though things didn't go as planned, I'm still happy... I got the much needed sleep, time with dad, enough shopping, and definitely a whole lotta fun with some of close friends! Yeah, this time the housekeeper had decided to quit her job and I had to do the laundry (for my own clothes :p Dad washed his own hahahaha) & the much hated ironing... Thankfully my dad can cook his own food as I'm the useless one in the kitchen :p All I did was providing the raw material as requested hehehe *useless daughter*

Maybe I won't plan anything for my next holiday... maybe I should just let it roll however I like... but still, holiday is no reason to be lazy *once again* it's just another reason to take your time to to do things... Happy holiday!

Growing Up

2 nights ago I received an unexpected text message, it reads:

"Kakak, thanks for all your prayers. I got accepted in the Medical Faculty of University P***"

It took only 5 seconds before I spilled my tears. And those are happy tears.

I met this girl when she was in 5th grade. Her mom's my mom's close friend in church. At that time, she was also very clingy to her uncle, my friend & my duet partner in church. As she also had some domestic problems, she's very shy and cried easily. And for the next few years after our first meeting, she grew attached to me too. We talked a lot, I used to spend sometime with her & her siblings when our moms got together and I somewhat became a big sister figure for her and I cared a lot about her like a lil' sister I never had.

Circumstances made us lost contact for a few years when she was in Junior High. I met her again when she just got into High School. At that time, my mom was in her early medications, her mom talked to my mom on the phone about it and they decided that they should meet. So we met at Pondok Indah Mall over lunch on a Saturday.

During lunch, I found out that things at home were still hard for her. But to my surprise, she matured a lot during those years we weren't in touch. She took care of her 2 lil' sisters well and had such a strong personality. It was also a few days after her birthday, I remembered that I sent her a text message and her mom told me that she was very happy! She said: "Mom, she still remembers my birthday! She sent me an SMS!" It was also one of the reasons why our moms decided to meet. So I asked her what did she want for her present. She said a book, and she chose Memoirs of a Geisha at the bookstore. She seemed very happy. Then we ate ice cream together, and bought some snacks at the supermarket. We parted happily and promised to keep in touch. A promise that I couldn't keep.

She changed her phone number and at that time I was also busy taking care of my mom & struggled to cope up between my work & personal affairs. When my mom passed away, her mom came to the wake & funeral... and I was updated again with her stories. Yes finally we meet again through FB, but I didn't see her again until a few days before my surgery. She and her mom was at the hospital where I went and we got to chatted for a while there. Then I received the text message that I mentioned in the beginning of this post.

I cried over the news because I'm proud of her. Despite her hard times, she grew up strong and wise. I'm ashamed that I wasn't able to keep my promise to be there for her at her hard times, but she still sent me the message anyway. I almost feel like a parent whose child is going away to start a new path of her own. But I really wish that I could be a part of her future and do more for her than what I did in the past.

I can't be the big sister anymore for her but I want to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. I didn't promise her anymore that I'll keep in touch. Instead, I promise myself to do it. I'm praying for her happiness and her future. And I'm proud that my little girl has grown up strong. I still have a few years until she graduates and turned into a wise woman. And I surely want to support her until that time comes.

Back To The Future

Did you ever regret your past?

I'm lying if I say I didn't. But if I have the chance to be back to the past, I still want to be what I am today. Yes, there were things that I really thought shouldn't have happened or I shouldn't have had done, words that shouldn't have said, but I can proudly say that I'm stronger & wiser today for what has happened in the past.

There were regrets alright, a lot of what ifs & maybes... but I have learned to accept them as part of my "life education". Just like when you get a red mark in school (well OK, this is bad example as I know some people never get a red mark and always being the top of the class!), there were times you get a red mark in life. And it's now how you can erase the red mark with tip-ex or eraser, but how to make it blue or black in the next exam. You look at your mistakes, find out what's the right formula, and solve the next problem in the right way.

That's why even in my age today, there are still things that I want to do while I'm still able to do it... I believe in "better late than never" though it's even better to "do it before it's too late". I'm saving money to travel somewhere far, I'm thinking of taking a guitar lesson in September (since the music school is in the same building of the new office), I'm still keen on getting better with my Japanese (will have to continue the lesson next month), and I'm looking forward to the mission trip with the Youth Ministry in December. Oh, and I want to write more and compose more songs... something that I haven't done in the past few years...

Wow!! Isn't the future exciting?? Even though we still don't know what's in there and what's going to happen to us the next 1 hour... nevertheless I can't wait to see what's my future going to bring, and it depends on what I'm doing today! I just trust my life in my God's hand 100%... but the most important thing is, doing my best for HIM and HIM only. Here I come my future!!

Viva Life!!

I just turned 34 last week. Unlike last year, there’s no celebration or anything special. I’m still recovering from my surgery last month and also it fell on Monday, the 1^st day of the week that keeps everyone busy. I went to work as usual, received hundreds of well wishes in FB, some prayer through telephone calls and a bunch of SMS. The fact that I’m still breathing and in good condition is a celebration for me personally. Though one fact hasn’t changed… I’m still single ha3x

And yeah, of course, there were more wishes from the “elders” that I’d meet Mr. Right soon but honestly, I don’t really think about it anymore. Even if he doesn’t come along, I’ve come to a realization that some things are better off as it is, no need to rush it or dwell on the facts that I’m still single too much. Ignore whatever other people said. In the end it’s my life. And I still have many things I want to do, I want to go places, and I want to challenge myself to be MORE in every single thing that I do. And those are the kind of things that (I was told) I can only do while I’m single.

So here I am, celebrating life and all its ups & downs… I may be one year older, but that means I’m also given longer time to enjoy the ride on life’s roller coaster!! I’m blessed!!

To Live Your Own Life

I guess MJ's death yesterday was really a big news all over the world. I don't want to have a long discussion about his death, I guess I've had enough. But what interest me to talk about this is that some hardcore fans seemed to deny the fact the he had passed away. Dead. No longer in this world. They seemed to believe that he is immortal. Which, immortality is a non-existance in this life. No matter how you want to stay young and used the most expensive anti-aging products or plastic surgery, you can't deny the fact that your life is one day will be over.

The irony of his death was that he had all the wealth in the world but still he was living a life that he couldn't enjoy. Where he couldn't call his life his own anymore. He lived under the prying gaze of millions of people who called themselves his fans and the media, and he was expected to live up to their expectations. To be the perfect, immortal star.

Fame and wealth can be cruel. Fandom can be dangerous.

Jung Yunho, leader of one of my fave boybands - TVfXQ was once rushed to the hospital because and anti-fan sneaked into the dressing room & put power glue in the water bottle that he drank. And not just that, the boys are stalked whenever they returned to their home country. And they're just one boyband while there are hundred of others. Sadly, they do what what they do today because it's their passion. They're now more than just pretty faces & killer bodies, surprisingly they do have talents. And very good at it. If they don't do what they do today, what else can they be? A regular salaray-man like you and me? Or running their own busineess?

I love singing. And there was a moment in my life when I want to be a singer if given the opportunity. But life had a different plan laid out for me. Still, there's a longing inside my heart for this dream coming untrue. Now I have to satisfy myself with singing in church (which is the greatest opportunity to serve my Father & Lord) and an occasional karaoke session with some friends. Somehow this make me understand why they do what they do today. It's more than just fame or money, it's about living your life according to your passion and the success is just a bonus.

So what kind of fan do you want to be? Do you want to be a stalker fan or obsessive fan? Or do you want to be a loyal fan who buys their records, go to their concerts and smile when you coma across a picture of them holding hands with some girls or fellow celebrities? After all they're only human. They have feelings & desires. And they want to start a family. What is so wrong about it? Besides, to have a family of our own is the very basic core of life.

It's okay to ask for an autograph or a picture together. But let's grow up and let them live their own life. After all, they have given up 80% of their lives for you... for me... for us... let them enjoy the 20% on their own.