time flies

2 more days and 2008 is gone... here comes 2009!!

Looking back, 2008 is not an easy year for me and somehow I believe that there will be more challenge and hardship in 2009. Things are getting tougher and harder nearing the end of the year, I've heard some stuff which is definitely going to affect my career or personal life next year.. Some changes in my financial plan already sent my plans swirling down the drain. But God also showed some miracles and proved to me once again, that HE is a GOD with an unlimited power.

Am I afraid entering 2009? Yes, I do. But that doesn't mean that I should stop believing in HIM. In fact, it's a sign that I should believe and rely on him evenmore. After all, HE is a GOD that promised to be with us through EVERYTHING in EVERYTIME. I don't wanna set my hopes too high, but instead I want to tell HIM every single wish that I have, my expectations, my anxiety, my fear, whatever I'm feeling. In the end, MAY HIS WILL BE DONE over me. Come what may...

Thank you 2008... Welcome 2009...

Blackberry?? Blueberry??

I just turned down another offer to be provided with a Blackberry. The last time I was nominated was like half a year ago by the IT Dept since I was supporting them for Jakarta Office. And in case someone got locked out again like a while ago, and they can't contact my phone, at least they want to be able to send me an email . I flatly rejected the idea.

And yesterday my boss asked me again: "Would you prefer to use a Blackberry? I can get you one by tomorrow." And I quickly retorted: "Ah, no thanks Pak!! I'm not that important and I still want to enjoy my weekend!" (^_^) Having a BB in my office means you're available 24/7.Means: you have no life but work.

I don't think I need one, so why should I accept the offer? Yes, lately you'll see more people use a BB and it's like it has become a trend, a way of life. You're cool if you have one even though you're not using it to its max capability and you don't even have to check your mail every now and then... the most common feature that people use is to check their FB account ha3x

So, thanks, but no thanks. Sorry sorry strawberry, but I prefer Blueberry... cheesecake, that is!! *lame joke*

books

I'm running out of space to keep my books!!! (T_T) My last database roughly shows these numbers:

1. Indonesian translated comics -- 2.959

2. English translated comics -- 131

3. Indonesian translated Asterix and such -- 72

4. English translated fictions & non-fictions -- 82

5. Indonesian translated fictions & non-fictions -- 72

6. Illustration, Fanbook & Chara Book -- 18

7. Others (including art, craft, architecture, imaging, dictionaries, foreign language lesson, cooking & children books) -- roughly 150

And those numbers weren't accurate except for the Indonesian & English translated comics. Since lately I'm too lazy to update the list for the others though I kept buying them *sigh* Now Ireally don't know where to keep what I have at home, and and like 20 % of them are still at my friend's library... haven't got time to take them all home.

When I say I'm running out of space, I really mean it. You open my living room dressers, you'll find boxes of books. You open my wardrobe, 50% of the space also filled with books. You check my parent's bedroom, you'll also find some boxes of books. Kitchen is the only place that's still clear from my books... (^_^)

I think I've mentioned somewhere that I'm the kind of person who'll feel guilty entering a bookstore without buying a book at all. So now if I'm not looking for a certain book I won't be going into any bookstore. Otherwise, I'll buy books just for the sake of buying something inside the store. And it's usually I won't read the books until a few weeks later if not the next year. Yeah, it's such a bad habit, I know.

And I can not sleep without reading. I could toss around for 2 hours without being able to close my eyes and sleep. Even when I'm extremely tired after doing so many activities during the day or when I got home at 5am in the morning and almost fall asleep in the car... the moment I hit the bed, I have to read though I'll pass out after ready not more than 5 lines... but I MUST read. That's why when I'm travelling I always brought a couple of books with me. When one book bored me, I can read the others. And I have a reading lamp clipped to my bedside, the switch is only 15 cm away, I could always reach out and turn it off whenever I feel like I'm "almost" fall asleep.

Then again, I rarely get bored if I have to spend a day or two at home. I'll never run out of stuff to read. Be it my own books or my parents. Yes... the whole family loves reading. Other than some daily newspapers, my dad subscribes to National Geographics and a few days ago he kind of gave me a hint to subscribe on Intisari ha3x And I never read my books just once! If those are books that I really really like, I could even read them thrice or more!

I have a dream... when I have my own house, I'll definitely have my own library. I'll make it as comfortable as possible not just for myself but also for every visitors who likes to read. The racks will be from the floor up to the ceiling, ladders provided to reach the top shelves. Well, it doesn't hurt to dream anyway...

Have a blessed weekend!!!

Busy or Lazy

Q: "Hey, wanna hang out sometime next week?"

A: "Ah, sorry, I'm busy."

Q: "Hey, can you help me out with something tomorrow?"

A: "Sorry, I'm busy. Might be working overtime until late."

Q: "Can you serve at next week's service?"

A: "I can't, sorry. I'm busy and I'm afraid I'd be coming late."

I guess we're all quite familiar with at least one of the 3 conversations above. And I have to shamely admit that I'm so familiar with the answers. I said that too. And in fact, I'm not that busy... I'm just lazy.

It's hard to differentiate being busy & lazy. But in my case, being busy is when you have lots to do, you try hard to finish everything on time (if not in time) but eventually it takes longer than expected. And after you finish one thing another thing comes up. While being lazy means that I have lots to do, I know I can finish them on time (again, if not in time) but I took my time in doing them since I don't really wanna do it if I may choose. And as a result, I'm being busy for something I'm too lazy to finish.

I've always wanted to continue one of my foreign language course. Between Chinese and Japanese, I finally chose to continue my Japanese lesson last July. It took me almost a year to finally decided to call the teacher and start the course. Because I was busy? No, I was just lazy. I've been busy with work from Monday to Friday. I have Saturday off. But I thought since I'd been busy the past 5 days, why not use the day off to relax... or in other words, to be lazy. A few months after my mom passed away, suddenly my day off got more boring. Then I just realized that I have wasted too much time being lazy while I can use it for learn something new, to achieve another goal in life. Thus, I started my Japanese course again... and really, I didn't get busier by it n my day off.

The other day was a friend's birthday. I didn't get her birthday present until her birthday has passed for almost 2 weeks. I thought I was too busy to go the mall and find something for her, but then I realized again I was just too lazy to spend an extra 2 hours to drive from my office to the Mall, browsed the department stores and drive back home. Instead, I went straight home after work and spent 2 hours in front of my TV watching another dorama series that my friend just sent me.

I learned to overcome my laziness little by little... by getting up early every morning... learn something new each day... sleep early too at night... and finish my work in time.

Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.

(Proverbs 10:4)

I learned not to get my self busy with wordly affairs... but spend more time with God, with family and friends... and do more things for other people...

The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, And He adds no sorrow with it.

(Proverbs 10:22)

another flu attack

It's already like the 3rd time this year that I have another cough & flu attack. Well usually I got it like at least once or twice a year, but this time -- once again -- it's already the 3rd time! (@_@) I guess my medical record at the ENT hospital at Cikajang is already filling up. The last time they took a CT scan of my sinus they said no need for a surgery yet. I really hope so... but last night I had to sleep holding an inhaler in front of my nose and it still didn't help much. And evertyime I showed up, the doc was like: "Again?" So I don't go now. Looks like over the counter medicine can do... I'll just wait for another couple of days... Though I'm not sure I can bear the sneezing once in every 5 minutes...

just some updates

Yo! It's been sometime and I haven't told you about my so called college reunion that I mentioned in my last entry. As much as I dreaded to be there, it turned out to be a wonderful night until past midnight. I got home around 2am, happy & smiling.

There were 11 of us that night. 2 girls & 9 boys. And apparently I was the only one who's still single among then ha3x It's hard not to smile hearing about all of their concerns over my being single. They're afraid I'm just not interested in marriage anymore ;) But I told them not to worry, the time will come even though it looks like to be very late compared to them.

Except for my best buddy since high school - Rendra, most of them had children already. 2 guys were expecting their 2nd born I think & 1 guy was expexting the 3rd. Isn't it amazing?? The moment I met them I thought that they're still a bunch of crazy mischievous people that I knew 15 years ago! And they were... but when they talked about their family, it's a different thing. They sound much more mature and sooooo... how do you call it... familial? It's good the see the changes & I enjoyed the joking & bantering between us, it took me back to those happy crazy stupid college life of mine!

We're going to arrange another get together with more people sometime in December. Probably an outing with their family. I'm looking forward to it.

Reunions aside, I spent my weekend last week in Singapore. After all the hectic in preparing the office's cocktail party, and remembering that I still have like 12 days leave on my records, I just had to go out. Not really doing anything... some books shopping for me & Gale, bought some CD's, breakfast at IKEA, lunches with friends I hardly met. The best thing about spending a few days off outside Jakarta is that no one dared looking for you. The moment my assistant said that I was on holiday outside the country, people just wouldn't call. They'd wait until I return. No such thing as URGENT. I hope there's more weekends like that... Have another great weekend to you!

reunions

Somehow, I hate reunions for many reasons. But mostly because I don't feel the need to hang out with so many people whom I wasn't even close to back then in school or whatsoever *sigh* I've skipped so many reunions, be it high school's or college's. But this time I just can't get away. I challenged them to arrange something on MY convenient time. They did it. I asked them to limit the attendees to the same year / same class people only. They did it.

So tonight I'll have my college "small" reunion and another one with my high school classmates 2 weeks from now after I got back from my short holiday. I hope it's not gonna be a pain... and they won't ask me questions that I hate...

C'est la vie...

morning beat

What I listen in the morning on the way to work is very important. My mood for the day sometimes can depend on the music that I hear in the morning. There were times when I started listening to the radio, but that only lasted for about 3 months. I don't really like radios. I don't like the ads and I really hate to have to listen to music that I don't like ha3x

I avoid listening to mellow music in the morning, that would make my mood blue. I like to sing along and play my fingers to the beat. Lately I've been listening to this album a lot in the morning. There are so many upbeat songs in it. I feel so refreshed after listening to it in the morning :p What's your music to start the day?

relationships

Ever since I hit the twin digit a few month ago, looks like I get the big question at least once a week: "When will you get married?" Or some people were trying to say it in a better way: "Where's your boyfriend? Any plan for a wedding soon?" And it hit me worse then the previous question cause they know very well that I'm still single!

I'm not the type who would fuss over this kind of situation... I like being single and I enjoy my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about having my own family. I do. So what if I haven't found the right one? I don't want to be like some women who grabbed anybody that they think "OK" enough for them, got married, and regreted it the year after. Some says I'm being picky. I can't deny it. If I'm not picky, then I'd have gotten married long time ago. But then again, was he the right person for me? And it's not like I set an unbelievable standard! Believe me, some friends even said that it's too moderate. But there are certain value that I don't want to compromise.

One thing for sure that has changed in my standard is age. I used to expect to date older man. From the two "real" relationships that I've been through, only 1 was older (not the mention left the most bitter memory). The younger one didn't work out for many reasons (just a year younger), but mostly because I didn't want to continue the relationship despite his effort to got back together after a few years being apart. I have my reasons.

Then there were some opportunities... 1 almost got serious (meaning: going steady) -- a 5 year younger guy-- until I heard him say: "We can just date, right? No strings attached? I mean, I'm still young, I haven't thought about marriage or anything." That one really put it off. I wouldn't ask him to marry me in the next 5 years but surely there's a purpose in building the relationship?

Another older guy... I really put a high hope on this one. Then he dropped the bomb: "You're too independent & too mature for me. You can do everything by yourself. I need someone who needs me." I was like "Hellooooo?? I thought I heard too many time of guys complaining that their girlfriends are too clingy & dependent on them? That they just can't do anything without the boyfriends help. Who can't go to places by themselves." And yet, I'm too mature for them? I didn't get it.

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. We happen to be the same age. And yet we face the same reality in relationships. And we wonder: "What kind of women do men actually prefered?" We still haven't got the answer. And we begin to feel that we don't care. When the time comes, when the right person appears, then it don't matter anymore. But for the time being, we're proud of being independent. We're proud of being who we are. And we don't want to get bothered again with what people say. Being single is fun. I'd rather be a happy single than a miserable married woman.

And being single means... I can still watch Satoshi as much as I want, like I can daydream about him every now and then (*_^)v LoL

Back to reality

The 1 week holiday for Lebaran now feels like a dream... 1 week holiday and I only had 1 morning when I could wake up late! (-_-)ZZZzzz 1 morning to check on the office, 3 mornings on retreat and another Sunday morning to meet The Father.

My 4th day at work and I already feel like I need another holiday... badly!! With the market condition lately, everybody seems to be on edge. I understand our company's future is hanging by a thread and you'll never know what's gonna happen tomorrow. We wouldn't even imagine that IDX would be suspend all transactions yesterday morning! To make things worse, despite cutting down the interest margin to save the country's economy like other countries' Central Bank did, Bank Indonesia (shamelessly) increase ours! What can be worse than being stabbed in the back by your own government? But I really don't appreciate people lashing out their emotions on me.

I never want to think badly of people, but now I begin to really hate some of them. God help me! And help our country!! Peace...

Missing her...

I'm missing my mom so much... There were so many things that I'm going through right now that I wish I could tell her.

My brother & father declined my offer to go on a trip together on Christmas Holiday. My dad's reason was because he might be going to Tokyo next year for work (though I don't see the relevance here). My brother's excuse was because this will be our first Christmas without mom so he expects us to be home together.

Somehow, it's not that I don't understand how they feel, I feel the same way too. But it will be more depressing for me to be home together with them, knowing that she's not around anymore. It feels too lonely...

I'm planning to take a short holiday on early Nov after the office opening party. I have to getaway for a moment somehow, someway. I hate my self when I'm in doubt and being indecisive like now. Too depressing.

I am Haruhi

Which Ouran High School Host Club member are you????? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Haruhi Fujioka You are Haruhi!!! You let others pull you along, but don't like when they comment on how amazingly feminine you are. Thunder and Lightning storms are your greatest fear. People often go to you for advice, as you are incredibly easy to talk to. Even though you are typically shy, you can become agressive and defensive when needed. Takashi Morinozuka 60% Haruhi Fujioka 60% Hikaru Hitachiin 55% Renge Houshakuji 50% Tamaki Suou 50% Mitsukuni Haninozuka 50% Kaoru Hitachiin 50% Kyouya Ootori 45%

Backpacking to work!

I finally decided to buy a new backpack. And it's not for picnic, but for work. Which means that all my handbags have to return to the shelf. Otherwise, I'll have to bring 2-3 bags to work everyday and it's such a trouble.

These are the things that I carry around everyday everywhere:

- Laptop (14", bring to office on Monday, back home on Friday) + cables + ext. HD
- A large & mini notebooks
- 3G connection box
- PDA
- Some blank CDs
- A medium size pocket which contain: medicines, sewing kit, lipstick
- A small size pocket that contains a bunch of keys (office keys, filing cabinet keys, storage room keys)
- Another small pocket contains of memory card extender & several flash disks.
- Cards wallet (for name cards, hospital cards & discount cards :p)
- Tissue
- Comb (hardly used)
- Fisherman's friend -- Aniseed flavor
- Other small stuff

My old backpack is already worn out, so I have to get a new one. And here's what I finally decided to buy:
I love it! It can fit everything in it... even more... Though my friends said that I looked like I'm going parachuting (^o^) Ha!!

Multitasking

- Personal Assistant
- Accounts Payable
- Office administration
- IT support
- HR support
- Legal support

Those are what I'm doing everyday in the office - officially.

Unofficially:

- Navigator (when the bankers got lost in a taxi and the taxi driver is clueless of where they should go)
- Messenger (when the bankers need to deliver a "very important document" after office hour and the office boy isn't available)
- Office Lady (when the bankers need to print "presentations" and (again) the office boy isn't available.

And each one of the "official" has another set of description of what I'm actually involved with. And it's definitely not easy. Oh, and even though I'm calling some of them as "support", I'm actually doing 60% of the job.

When the boss is on leave, network's stable, no new hire in the office & no changes in company's structure, I could say that I'm practically not doing anything in the office. Or what I called in Bahasa: "Makan Gaji Buta". Printing, signing & pouching Cheque Requests are at most. Too bad from the almost 2 years I'm working here, that only happened twice. Which means in average, about once a year. And since 2 weeks ago, I've been working on all 6 jobs at the same time.

Tough... but I also learn how to delegate... something that I wasn't good at since I wasn't patient enough to wait for other people to do things that I thought I could do faster (arrogant, eh?). If I don't delegate then none of the jobs will be done. I also learn not to rush things. Experience proved that when you rush things then usually more errors occurs, but when you prioritize and do things one by one, it wil minimize errors & mistakes.

Multitasking is not an easy job, but it teaches me a lot and it makes me more knowledgeable each day. You may hate it and ask for a real job description from your boss... or you could learn to handle it and ask for help when you're overloaded. I love my job! Do you love yours? v(^__^)v

Aibaka?? Really??

Which member of Arashi are you most compatible with? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Aiba Masaki You're most compatible with Aiba! You know who you are and who you are is someone who isn't very fussy or high maintenance. Aiba seems to prefer someone who's enthusiastic about life and interested in experiencing it - with him, you get a partner in crime. Results based on a 2006 translated interview about ideal marriages - therefore, you may want to take everything with a grain of salt. ;) Aiba Masaki 73% Sakurai Sho 70% Ohno Satoshi 68% Matsumoto Jun 58% Ninomiya Kazunari 50%

Another one out of the list!

Yipee!! I finally got my Sharingan watch! A month late birthday present... Since none of my friends were supportive enough to my Naruto obsession, I had to get my cousin to buy it for me. Well, more like I buy it and he pays for it LoL

When he called to wish me happy birthday I asked him: "Are you going to give me a present? Already got any?" He said not yet... so I told him: " Tell you what, there's something that I really want and it's not expensive. Shall I buy it and reimburse it to you?" He said go ahead. So ordered this watch online... It doesn't enable me to use Sharingan, though... Huehehehehe

Can I have the 25th hour?

Lately I found it harder and harder to read books. Especially if they're thick and in small caps... Not because I'm bored, but more like I don't feel I have enough time in a day to read seriously. When I read, I think. And I put myself into it. Now with the traffic and all, the soonest I can get home is around 7pm already. After bath and stuff it's already 8pm. Mosty I go to bed around 10 or 11pm, but sometimes before that I have to make some calls, replying sms, and of course... watch some downloads or dorama from Yannie. Between watching & reading, I think I watch more now.

So now I usually finish the comics first before other books. But I can't even finish more than 2 comics on 1 night. *sigh* I have now 3 books waiting to finish on my bedside: Letters From Iwo Jima, The Language of God & The 47 Ronin. I have read at least 15% of each books. Not to count the one that I got from Gale as my birthday present... And last Sunday I just got another 2 from Gabriel (The Zahir - Paulo Coelho) & Kristian (How to get your prayers answered - forgot the author).

I think I need another hour in a day just to read. Too bad I can't have the 25th hour... But I pray to God that my 24 hour is useful everyday. I have to finish at least one of the books in the next 2 weeks. I have to.

Downloads over Rice?? And scary movie...

What a day! I slept so well last night after a nice massage after work... Aaaah, should go home early tonight to have another good sleep session since tomorrow I'm going to jog at Senayan after work.

Friday night text-ed Yannie and she said I should come over to her house to copy her downloads. I said I'd think about it. And on Saturday the Japanese lesson started half an hour early, so I decided to go to Yannie's. When I got there the whole family was having lunch (without Yannie, she worked). Funny thing was, her mom offered me lunch, since I was kinda hungry & the maid didn't cook for me at home I took up the offer. Then her father just realized something: "Eh, we don't have anymore rice. Are you cooking now?" (he was asking her mom). Her mom asked something to Kuma, then Kuma went to check on something... she returned with a shocking answer: "Oh, we'll wait until the downloads finish, then we cook the rice."

I was like: "Heh?? Downloads first before rice???" (^o^) ROFL It turned out that they're actually downloading belly dancing lesson for their mom, who showed me a little of what she has learned so far... (though I actually expected to see more). She then made me an instant noodle... which was filled with fishcake, onions & veggie... to my liking... And I asked Kuma: "Wow, this is great! Is this how your mom always made this?" Kuma took a good look inside the bowl and said sadly: "No, never... this is special I think." HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I was a princess for half a day at Yannie's house! Her mom kept bringing something to eat to the room, even Melon syrup in a large glass, with ice! Perfect... Then Kuma mad a request: "Mom, get me some fruit?" to which she answered: "Get it your self!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA So I told Kuma: "It's nicer being a guest rather than being the host! Next time come to my place again, you'll be guest!" I had a really really good laugh over there with Kuma & her mom...

Yannie got home around 4, and brought some ice cream... Yummy... Too bad I had to leave, I had to drop by the office to check on the network, cause HK IT just had some maintenance or upgrade or whatever to it, better check to make sure that everything works before Monday.

Then came Sunday... when I thought I'll be home early to watch the downloads from Yannie (9 DVDs in total). But then my cousin bought me ticket to watch The Dark Knight at PIM 2. My comment: DON'T BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO WATCH THIS MOVIE. It's the darkest and scariest Batman movie I've ever seen. Some kids actually cried in the cinema and their parents had to take them out. All in all, I don't really like the movie. Too much talking and not enough Batman showcase in my opinion... But two thumbs up for the late Heath Ledger. But I definitely won't watch it for the second time...

LOVE IS ALL AROUND...

Ok.. so yesterday I just turned one year older... twin digits and still single hahaha in the end most people wish the same thing for me: "... that you will find your soul mate soon." Amen.

Really, in my 30something life, this is one of the toughest and the most memorable birthday for me. I can really feel the blessing of friends and family, I feel so loved and overjoyed that I can't stop smiling despite my tiredness & lack of sleep. And no matter how long this post is going to be, I want to try to express my feelings of gratitude with words. I want to thank everyone who has made feel so special with their presence. Here's my story in chronological order... hehehe

I went to sleep quite late on Sat night, preparing the plates, etc. Then woke up at 5 on Sunday to lead in the morning service at 7. Around 6.15 I called my dad on his mobile. Every morning since he was away he called at 6:30am. I didn't want to worry him when he called and no one picked up the phone, cause I forgot to tell him that I'd be in morning service. Apparently my dad didn't realized it's the 13th until I reminded him! And he sounded so guilty... He wished me happy birthday and I told him that some friends were coming over for lunch. He sounded relieved he3x.

Suryo was the winner of birthday sms wish this year! I received his at 12:02... Echa came second at 12:03 and Didi came third at 12:05. But my brother's sms really amused me: "Big sis, I hope you have a happy birthday even without our parents around..." It felt that he really grew up for the past year and since our mom gone. When I got to church around 6:30am I was told that there's already a birthday cake on the fridge, from om Kumis' family. My first birthday cake so early in the morning.


Happy Birthday Gateaux African??? Am I Gateaux African?? *ROFL* The couple is like my parents and their kids also sent me sms. Thanks a lot Om!! You're like my foster parents for me & my bro... I hope you'll keep watching over us.

After the service I invited K' El & K' Atin for lunch, the whole family gave me a birthday kiss on the cheek, I'm so happy. But her present was a big surprise. The cheese on top of the baked macaroni actually read: "Happy B'day Kristin"... And she baked it at 5am in the morning... just for me... K, thanks for always being there with me, in my best & worst moments. When I'm good and when I'm bad. As my mom also entrusted me in your family's care before she's gone, I also pray the best for you in every way.

I rushed home to start the cooking... Believe it or not, I made Fettucine Carbonara & Meat Curry at the same time. Fettucine on the left stove, Meat Curry in the right stove. And the maid helped me prepare the ingredients. But the incoming calls & sms really annoyed me for a second cause they kept interrupting my cooking, but I knew that everybody just wanted to wish the best for me, I should be grateful instead. Ira came around 11:30 when things were almost done. Then I took another shower at 12:00AM (I was sweating like crazy, it was so hot in the kitchen). And we watched Iza Now 2004 Concert while waiting for others to arrive. Around 01:00pm Yannie & Kuma came, hooray!! Look what I got from them!


Tadaaaa! Sabaku no Gaara!! Yay... another thing too add up to my Naruto collection (*_^) Thanks a bunch, buddy!! You always knew how to satisfy my craziness & to keep up with it he3x Really appreciate it. And I love you in all your psycho way!! LoL Btw, how's my carbonara? Is it a OK?

After that we're waiting and waiting and waiting for Gale... since she's the one who's going to bring the other food & rice... Around 1:30pm we can't hold out hunger anymore and we started with the carbonara! Ha3x When Gale arrived, she brought a lot of food! And lookie, the table was full... And she brought Bebe along her! Hahahaha

And I didn't see what she gave me until late night after I finished tidying up the house... She got me a bunch of present and a card in a very nice paper bag! Now I can cross 2 items from my wish list, yay!!

Gale, thanks for the presents, especially for the card! (^_^) When I read it I was alone and ready for bed, but I can feel your sincerity in it. I know you're hoping for the best for me as I'm hoping for the best for you too. Yeah, I'm also expecting more birthdays to celebrate together in the future ;) Oh, since I'm older, please pray that I get married before you do! Hahahahahahahaha *bad joke*

Then people from church started coming... Alex, Suryo, Borah, Didi, Patrick, Sarah, Agus... Later on there's Ezra, K' Atin, K' El, Riri... Gendro came in the evening. And we had a "DURIAN PARTY" He3x When Ratno - the fruitseller in front of my house - heard that it's my birthday, I got these Durians as my birthday present! Hahahaha

Marci also came in the evening, then Echa & Bank Ucok... The house was full! And all the while I "forced" them to watch Arashi concerts & TV shows! LoL My dad called again around 6pm, he's so glad that I had my friends over. And just when I thought that it's almost over, Dini arrived with another cake!


This time no one can touch it anymore... but they managed to wiped clean the Durians & ice creams... We continued to watched DVDs, some were joking, the other were going online & check out their friendster accounts, and it was already 8:30 when they left the house. Ira stayed over to clean up a little with me and transfer some data. By that time I already had a bad headache...

When I opened the gate to drive Ira home, Zainal & Wulan (the fruitsellers' brother & his wife) came over and also gave me a present! I can't sayd anything more but thank you. They're like family to me and I know that they really care about our family. Not to mention that they gave me something that I almost buy a couple of weeks ago, a pair of black Adidas sandal! Yatta!! So I got 2 pair of sandals for my birthday, the other one was from Ira's Mom hehehehe

For those who has brought cakes & presents, thank you so much. As for the others, your SMS, calls & presence are also a beautiful gift in my view. I couldn't ask for anything more. My boss & wife sent sms, little boss called from Hong Kong. It's complete!

Popon: Wish you were here with us! Next time you're coming I'll cook especially for you! Promise... Richie Sambora really misses Bon Jovi... a lot!!! *ROFL*

Valen: Man, after all these years since you're back to San Fransisco, I never thought you still remember my birthday! And thanks for the beautiful message, I wish the best for you and your wife.

Maya: Istri tua gak boleh lupa ultahnya Istri muda! Ntar suami bete loh... *ngakak* Berbagi suami... arigatou!

Ira: Thanks for spending a lot of time for me lately... Appreciate it. I'll come over to see your parents when I'm back to normal hehehe

Marci: WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA satu2nya wakil dari Plaza B*****O!! Thanks for coming, Cong! I love you! WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA

After I read and re-read an re-read this entry... I think it sounds strange! Bwahahahahahahahaha MINNA, DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA!!

Slumber Party

Eventually it's not going to be a lonely week... (^_^)

Ira & Maya are going to sleepover tonight... Kon ban no thema wa... hai, dozo:

OHNO SATOSHI desu!

Hahahahahaha Why him?, 2 reasons:
First, Maya is a huge fan of him since many years ago
Second, I always consider him like a shadow in the group :p until I heard "Take Me Faraway" and the song got stuck in my head. Now Maya is trying her best to turn me into another crazy fan of Ohno_Satoshi! LoL So Ira's just stuck in the middle of "Riida everywhere" situation tonight Bwahahahahahahaaha (^o^)

Can't wait 'till the clock strike 5...

Update [Jul 14]
It wasn't a big success... May was so engrossed in my comics, I was too tired (lack of sleep for the past 3 days) and Ira was the one who kept reminding us the purpose of the sleep over... hahahaha But it was cool, we got to chat until 2am, too bad Maya had to leave early on Saturday :D Girls, let's have another session... and this time for real!! hehehe

Home Alone

My dad just left this morning to Balikpapan, he'll be there for PON (National Sports Competition). I'll be home alone for a week. And for my birthday. *sigh* I don't feel like celebrating my birthday anyway, I'll be serving in morning service in church on that day (7-9am), and definitely I wanna spend some time by myself. Or maybe I'll have lunch with a couple of friends. Maybe...

However, I was a bit sentimental last night. I met an old friend and that was the first time in my life that I just cried over meeting someone. I hugged her hard, she understood. And I'm thankful for that.

Another 1st time

Yesterday was supposed to be my mom's birthday. When I woke up in the morning I didn't feel a bit sad, I thought I got over the sentimental part already... well, though not completely. But then I talked to my brother who also celebrated his birthday on the same day. He told me that he's sad to celebrate his birthday by himself for the 1st time. And suddenly I felt so lonely.

My mom was the kind of person who fuss over birthdays and stuff. She always remembered people's birthday and never missed a present or a cake. There will always be some birthday cake of some sort that she bought herself on her birthday :) But yesterday was different. No celebration, no cake, no morning kiss. I tried to think that it must be harder for my brother but still the loneliness was there. It didn't go away.

For the past few weeks I've been thinking about an old friend of mine and I missed her so much, especially yesterday. Perhaps because she knew my mother longer than most of my other close friends and there were moment we spent with each other's family. I long for our time together. I sent her a text message a couple of days before but didn't get a reply until (amazingly) yesterday. And she admitted that she's been thinking of me too. I cried behind the wheel when I read her message.

She also said: "tough time to adjust to a lot of 1st time.." Then I realized that there will be lots of "1st times of something without mom" that I'll go through in the future but I'm glad that my friend understood. I felt that we're connected againafter being away from each other for quite sometime. And it was also the 1st time that I felt so grateful to have someone who understood me even when we're apart. And she has helped me back on my feet again.

Arigatou. You know who you are.

Yatta!

Woohoo!! Finally... I'm going karaoke tomorrow after work T________T Though this time I'll go with a completely different pack than the usual, I hope it will be another enjoyable karaoke session. Full story & pictures will follow on Monday... hopefully...

PS:
I'm definitely singing A-RA-SHI tomorrow!!!

Hajimete no Kare!

Not the first curry (or "kare" as the Japanese pronounce it) that I ate but the first kare that I cooked v(^__^)v I've bought the curry blocks sometime ago, but didn't really get the chance to try it. Then yesterday after church I went groceries shopping with dad & thought of finally cook it. When I got home I tried to find the recipe... I knew it's somewhere in Hanalala back issues, but the stupid me didn't even remember which issue hehehe

After trying in vain to find it in the last 10 issues I finally gave up and return to google hahahaha 1st recipe that I found somehow seemed a bit complicated, but the 2nd recipe was much more simple so I tried that one. Sent a text message to Pon-chan & Channel to wish me luck... And voila!! Not exactly the La Huma taste but it will do... Ureshii...

Hot & Healthy

Woohoo!!!

We're going for a Hot Pot tonight! Trying a place we've never been before somewhere at Senopati with some rare companies :) So far 4 people confirmed, I hope to have more... The more the merrier... the more to eat too...

Add:

In the end there were only the 2 of us, but we enjoyed it anyway ;)

Singing is my remedy

I just bought a new guitar last Sunday!! Yeah!! It's time to rock again!

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm suck at it! Hahaha At least I knew the keys and am able to play some of my favorite song... in standard that is, not like the records :) It's the singing that helps me tune in with the bad guitar playing.

Since I was little, I love singing so much. Was in School Choir in junior high, school band in high school, the only female singer in college who sings White Lion, Winger, Tesla and those old rock music though when I'm by myself I prefer Danny Tate or Mitch Malloy or Beverley Craven or Joshua Kadison. But mostly I sing in church. I'm an alto but once for a gospel choir competition, we lacked of bass singer so there I was the only female the back with the boys singing the bass part hahaha

I don't think I have a good voice, but my singing mentor (who taught me a lot about music) said that I'm a powerful singer. So whenever I'm singing in a group, they have to turn down my mic's volume and turn up the others! :p Really, it's embarassing sometimes but very helpful when there's a blackout and the mic doesn't work ;0) (another lame excuse...)

Singing is really therapeutic for me. And an indication of my mental state for my parents. My father used to say that he can guess how I'm feeling whenever I sing. I tend to pick songs that suit my feelings at that time. So when I'm being quiet and not make any sound, he said that's an alert for him that I must be feeling real bad or really sick hehehe

Singing also helps me get through the bad times. Even now when I'm feeling lonely and missing my mom so much, I'll sing my heart out and I'll feel much better... though many times I end up crying and can't finish the song. The night before my mom's funeral, I sang a song that I felt describe her life best by her coffin on the last service held by my church. I tried my best to finish it, my voice cracked a little in the end but as the song came to an end... I could feel my mom's presence beside me. I felt at peace.

My voice is not as it used to be, especially since I had sinus & got flu so many times lately. It's a torture for me if I can not sing when I cough or catch cold, I feel soooo down. But whenever possible, I sing. My senior in college used to hate being in the same car with me. You know, I can't help from singing whenever I hear a song that I know. Be it in the mall or the hospital, if I know the song then I'll sing along. In the end he always turned off the radio and played heavy metal - something that I can't sing at all! LoL How stupid can that be.

Well, everybody has a different way to getaway and make themselves feel better. For me, singing is my remedy. Let's rock!!

STRESS MANAGEMENT

It's getting harder to keep my patience & my mind clear when I'm so stressful. I just don't get why some people can have so little empathy and can give several orders at the same time with "top priority" flags on each order! And last time I check I still have 2 hands, a pair or ears & and 1 mouth which means I can only take 1 call at a time while typing one letter with my 10 fingers. God helps me!

Something to love...

I want to have a guinea pig as a pet! I've been wanting this cute creature since a few years ago, but my mom didn't want to have another pet at home and I didn't want to piss her off on her condition at that time. But now I just can't wait to have another pet at home other than my dad's fishes! (^__^) It's not that I hate the fishes, it's just that I couldn't hug or caress a fish, can I? Hahahaha

We used to have some dogs until 6 years ago if I'm not mistaken (been too long that I've forgotten). At that time we had to give up our 3 doggies because my father started to have a sensitive skin (he got itchy when bathed them) & had trouble with his eyes (he got a virus or something, I wasn't sure). The doc suggested that we get rid of those hairy creatures... which put me into tears. But at that time I couldn't disagree cause it was my dad who had been taking care of them all the time. I was busy with my own stuff (was still going out a lot with friends hehehe) and then my mom got impatient with them (they were too attached to my dad... I guess it was just jealousy ;)). I asked my dad to give them away while I wasn't at home, but I still cried when I got home and no greetings from the doggies.

Sooooo, I think now is the right time to have one guinea pig as a pet. I think I'll buy it with my brother when he's coming next month... And I want to name it KONOHAMARU LoL Don't you think that they look a like? I just hope that it won't be as naughty as Konohamaru... I don't know, I might change the name, depends on its character but it has to be something Naruto-ish! hahaha

DO I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH?

A good friend in church just got married last Saturday, he's 40 and the his bride's 34. We were happy for him, extremely happy... he's a senior and one of the few that we look up to, and knowing his "love history" we're thrilled that he finally decided to get married. And to someone that we think (and he thinks) is far from his "ideal type". Before he told us that he got married, he actually spoke to some of us about his relationship, it was mid January. By end of January, we were asked to be involved in the "wedding committee". And as time got closer to the day, we were getting more and more horified to found out that the bride knew so little of the groom!!

They went out under the bride's family's urge. After a couple of dates and considering their ages, they decided to get married. The groom's family wanted the wedding to be around June or July, to give them some space & enough time to clean the house & prepare everything since they're going to live in the groom's house after the wedding. For some reason, he insisted on his chosen day, which was last Sat. So there it went.

3 months before wedding the groom called me: "Help me pick the menu for the reception!" So he read out the list while I was listening & suggesting what kind of food to pick. My friend behind the wheel raised her eyes and whisper: "Isn't he suppose to ask his bride?" I shrugged my shoulders but 1 question popped in my head: WHY DIDN'T HE ASK HIS MOTHER OR SISTER, OR EVEN HIS BRIDE?

A month before wedding the bride asked me in church: "Where's the reception going to be?" My jaw dropped: "Your wedding is only 1 month away & you had no idea where the reception is? Ask your future husband!" That's question # 2 in my head: DON'T THEY PLAN THE WEDDING TOGETHER?

3 weeks before the wedding, another call from the groom: "We're running out invitation so we have to re-label some of them. I'll fax you the revision of the invitation list." I was a bit irritating cause I have told him over and over again before the invitations go into prints: "Make your invitation list, then you know how many invitations to print! Don't guess!" This is how I had question # 3: DOES HE HAVE ANY PLAN AT ALL?

2 weeks before the wedding, the groom was leading the youth service, a special program - something like a get together with other youth ministry from other churches. The bride jokingly asked if he's nervous because there's his ex-gf among the congregation. In fact, there was, and she was so surprised and urged him to show which one was the girl. I didn't know whether he showed her in the end, but this was one of the thing that got me into some serious thinking and popped a 4th question: "DOES SHE KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH?"

The thing is, the groom was well known for his love life history, inside and outside church. It wasn't much of a problem if all of his relationships were counted as "serious". But to tell the truth, he was quite an opportunist in terms of relationship. I was one of those who actually fell for his trap. It would be a little uncomfortable to talk about it here, but in short: I found out that he also talked about me to other people, and the phrase that completely made me cross him out from the relationship level was: "She's the one offering herself to me, and even though I don't have a feeling for her... well, I'm like a cat being offered a fish for free!" That was when I started to tell myself that next time I decide to have a relationship with a guy, we better have a one on one just to make sure that it's for real and that he really thinks that we're good for each other.

I also knew that he was hitting on my cousin's girlfriend that almost made her & my cousin broke up. And he continously did that everytime he wasn't engaged in any relationship. But the biggest surprise came 1 day after the wedding. One of the girl in the committee told me while we're lunching: "You know, it took time for me to say yes to his request on helping on his wedding... I had a battle inside my heart cause I think he's too heartless to ask for your help! We were all victims to his adventure... Me, you and "X"" When she said X I was stunned... X wasn't just someone that I thought would also fall for his trap. We didn't even think such thing would exist between them! We were like family!

Anyway, apart from the fact that he also asked me to spend a night together in a hotel just 2 months before he declared his relationship with the bride, for whatever reason he wouldn't tell at that time... All the facts were too much of a shock for me. And it makes me even more afraid to start a relationship without at least getting to know each other for a certain period of time. I'm not the kind of person who would dig into my partner's past, but I definitely would want to know what's going on with his previous relationships just like I'd want him to know everything about me. So the next time I heard a negative comment about him, I know how to react and how to handle it and not to become suspicious. Just like my parents.

It's all about honesty... I will never know him well enough if he's not honest to me and vice versa. But it sure is scary to find out that my spouse has a long list on relationship history, and I knew nothing about it at all... 'Till later!

Me and Da Boyz

This picture was taken after the final World Cup game, on July 9, 2006... when France lost to Italy through penalties (^__^) There were 2 more boys that weren't in the picture. One of them was taking the pic while the other was on the phone with a girl ;) It was a memorable moment... The boys stayed overnight just for the game and the next morning all of us went to work looking like zombies! HAHAHAHA

Since I was little, most of friends are boys. Probably because I was closer to my dad than my mom, or perhaps because most of the cousins that I grew up with are boys. Even in my youth ministry in church, I can't get away from the boys. But the boys in church are special.

I knew most of them since childhood, but there were also some that I knew later when they joined the Youth Ministry. But for those that I can call "brothers", they mean so much more than just church friends. They're (almost) always there in my hard times, and they were there to have fun. And the thing that I love most from them is that they never think of me as a "wonder woman", they consider me a normal girl who can feel weak at times and a woman who needs to cry on their shoulders in a while. And I appreciate th

at. I love them so much.

HE is STRONG when I AM WEAK

It's Tuesday morning and I feel alright!

My dad's been hospitalized for heart coronary since Monday last week. Many people called and said stuff like: "You should be strong!" "Be patient!" I am OK with all that except that some said it in a pitiful tone, like they're missing this line: "You know, you just lost your mother 1.5 months ago and now your dad is in this situation..." It's not that I'm not grateful for their attention & care, but those words didn't help build my confidence & strength. I'd rather they call and ask if I'm or need someone to talk. Then I'll talk.

I'm not saying that I've been strong in facing all of this. I had a breakdown after my last post, up to the point that I cried almost all the time & couldn't sleep at night and I screamed to my pillow to release my feelings. But you know what made me recover? Because I HAVE A GREAT GOD!! I could feel HIS presence when I was at my lowest point of emotion. No I didn't hear HIS voice speaking to me in darkness. No I didn't see him speaking to me in my dreams. But I could feel HIM stood by me when I turned to HIS WORDS & pray. And HE showed me in so many ways that I AM loved.

Whenever I felt down, there was always somebody who suddenly called and cheered me up or gave me words of encouragement. Either it's friends or families, or even people that I don't feel close to me. For example 2 weeks ago after church I said hi to a lady that I've known since childhood. I kissed her cheeks & all of a sudden she hugged me tightly and whispered in my ears: "Kristin, I can't give you anything else to lighten your burden. But I pray to God every single night that HE will give you a good husband." Another time, a grandmother who always sat at the back in church (because she used a cane) shook my hand and said this when she kissed my cheeks: "I really hope that everything is alright with you and I pray that you will always rejoice and not be sad." I smiled and cried a tear at the same time. I know that it's God's assurance. HE wanted to show me that HE's everywhere. HE wanted to show me that I'm not alone in this

I am not strong. I am not always happy. I am not always wise. I am not always smart. But I have a GOD who gives me strength when I am weak, HE makes me glad when I am sad, HE grants me wisdom when I need it and HE lights a path for me when I'm stuck in darkness. SO, IS THERE A REASON WHY I SHOULD FEEL DISCOURAGED OR DOWN? No there isn't. When you see through the eyes of faith, when you walk through in the path of truth and you open your heart to believe in the impossible, then you will see that GOD IS PRESENT IN MANY KIND OF FORMS for those who believe.

Have a blessed day!!

You'll never be ready for death...

It's been more than a month since my mom passed away. I got through the first few weeks just fine. But the past 2 weeks had been unbearable for me. I couldn't sleep well, I couldn't do anything well, I couldn't even work well.

There were so many things that reminded me of my mom and put me in misery. I cried in the office's restroom, I cried in the car while driving to work, I cried in church, I cried before I go to bed, I cried everywhere!! My mind is so full of her memories & so many questions why.

My church friend dreamed of her after she died, why didn't I?
My cousin dreamed of her before she died, why didn't I?
My neighbour had a picture with her before she got into the hospital, already so skinny... why couldn't I?
Her friend bought her favorite cake before she fell into coma (though she only managed to eat a spoonful), why didn't I?
My brother & father spent a couple of nights watching her in her hospital bed, why didn't I?
I could list a hundred more "whys" here but that won't help me get ouf of this misery.

Up until the moment that she went into coma, I always thought that somehow a miracle will happen. That we would have another Christmas together and another birthdays to celebrate. But it seemed that my fear of losing her was bigger than my love for her. I thought if I stayed by her side I wouldn't be able to hold my tears from flowing all the time, and I knew that seeing me crying also hurt her so much.

I guess the start of my restless days was what my father said to me while we were talking about her: "You children didn't know how much she was in pain cause she hid it from you. She didn't want to become a burden to you or make you sad. But I knew. I was the only one that she showed her most weak & painful side that you couldn't even imagine." That words hit me to the ground.

Even now I could still feel her small hands in mine when I helped her walk to the bathroom or to the bed. But why can't I remember her hands when she was still healthy.

I could still imagine her face when she was in pain and cold and asked me to put another blanket on her. But why is it so hard to remember her smiling face when we went to the mall or tried eating in a new restaurant?

I could still picture her skinny figure in her too big pyjama when we had dinner. But is it hard to remember the time when she complained that her dress was to tight on her.

I start losing her & my memories of "the good" her. And the thought is torturing me. And it makes me even more afraid...

I guess whatever the way, no matter how long you've been prepared to accept the worse... You'll be never be ready for death. Not ever.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST

Just a few hours after I published my last entry, my mom passed away. And I was only 10 minutes away from the hospital when she drew her last breath. My father, my younger brother, some relatives & my mom’s friends were there with her. She’s gone while they were singing and praying, at 6:50pm. They all said it was a peaceful & beautiful death. I just regretted for not being there at her last moment.

I got out from the office at 5pm sharp, when I got to the parking lot a text message from my brother came. He asked me to forget buying dinner for them and that my mom’s condition was worsened, I better hurry. So I tried to call him back to ask how bad has it become but he wouldn’t answer his mobile. My cousin called instead, saying that it’s still ok, I’d have time to get there to see her. But the traffic was unusually jammed everywhere. Tried to call everybody every 15 mins but no one picked up. I was getting suspicious. Then about 5 mins away from the hospital I got a call from my mom’s friends. Apparently, he received a text message about my mom’s passing away, since he just changed his number he didn’t know whose number it was and called me just to confirmed. I was at a loss. I screamed from the top of my lungs and tears fell from my eyes like waterfall. I was fortunate enough to have a friend in the car, she was going to see my mom too. The moment my car reached the hospital’s gate, I saw my relatives were already waiting for me. I ran all the way to my mom’s room, when I entered the door, my dad’s already waited and stretched out his hand to hold me. I cried like hell and screamed why she wouldn’t wait for me. My dad wouldn’t let me look at her before her body got cleaned up. Then I held her for the last time. Poured my tears over her face for sometime. After that, my brother came to me and hugged me tightly, saying that she still loves me even though she couldn’t wait for me. The family has arranged that her body won’t be brought home, but instead will stay at the hospital until the funeral on Wednesday (waiting for my mom’s brother & sister to come from Manado). I returned home to pick her best dress, her picture & her make-up. I could see that my dad was acting tough for me but deep down inside he’s broken.

The next 3 days was like a dream to me. I still found it hard to accept that my mother has left us despite our acknowledgment of her illness for the past 2 years. I still wanted to spend more time with her. There were several services held by her friends & our church. At those services, people testified about my mother, how she has touched & changed people in her life. And I suddenly felt like I never know my mother all this time.

I always hated my mother’s kindness towards people, I thought it’s too much. If she only has Rp 50.000,- in her pocket and she met someone who needed money, she would give it all to that person despite sharing it. If we have food at home & she felt that we wouldn’t eat them all, she would gave it away to the neighbors or anyone show up at home. I called her SANTA CLAUS. And I hated that part of her. But the truth was, without my knowledge (or my dad’s), she helped so many people out there, especially during her service with Abigail Group. I was so stunned to see that so many people wanted to testify her kindness & gentleness towards others during the services. Men, women, young, old… every one of them were wearing clothes & accessories that my mother bought them. They told stories about how my mom has changed & affected their lives. They all shed tears & felt the emptiness of losing her. I felt so ashamed for hating her the way that I did. I felt that I never tried to understand her at all. I cried even harder after hearing all that.

One week after she got out of the hospital on January, she was in the kitchen with my dad & I. She told us this: “God has blessed us so much during my hospitalization, and we should share the blessings with others. Please help me donate (some amount) to Abigail orphanage. They need the money more than we do.” My dad and I were looking at each other and said: “Yeah, we’ll do that later. More important thing is that you recover first now.” But she kept insisting on donating the money asap. Last Sunday, 6 days after her passing away, I finally gave the money to the orphanage. I felt relieved.

Another message that she told me while she was still able to talk normally was: “Don’t forget the people in church. Feed them, share with them. They all live by God’s grace only and we should be part of it.” I won’t forget this & will try my best to fulfill her wish. If she could do it and had been doing it, why can’t I?

I always told myself to live life to fullest, and felt that I was closer to that. But not until my mom’s gone that I realize how far away I am from living my life to the fullest. I still have empty holes here and there and not able to see the big picture. But my mom has lived her life to the fullest. And it was shown in other people’s life, not by her own words. Well I guess that’s the true meaning of the phrase. I hope you all will live your life to the fullest too.