Referring to this post, I finally had my second USG last Friday. I'm so happy, the result was good. Even though I still experienced pain on my last cycle, the cyst's size is smaller now. On Nov 2008 the size was 3.9cm x 2.4 cm, last Friday was 3.4cm x 2.4cm. I should return to the doc in another 3 months, though... but doc said so far no surgery needed. But I have to be careful in taking the pain killer, doc didn't want to take to much of it, he again reminded me: "Only if you can't stand the pain anymore."

Then from the obgyn went to Takemori with my lovely cousin, si Dul and kind of having a Korean food feast he3x I ate a lot! We watched Family Outing & some DBSK's MV all through dinner. She had fallen hard for Mirotic LOL Bad bad me... And we were laughing so hard on each hillarious scene in FO! Lucky we were in a private room & looks like there's only another 2 people outside, I bet our laughter can be heard all over the small restaurant :D

Anyway, the DBSK party didn't end that night. Yesterday after church me, my bro & some cousins were going for lunch at PIM, then from there si Dul went to my place and we had another DBSK watching session until 7PM!!! Kyaaaaaaaaaa!!

All in all, I really enjoyed my weekend. I had enough laugh, enough rest and another meeting with The Father. Life is good.

anniversary

Today is the 1st anniversary of my mom’s passing away. One year used to be so long for me, but this time it went by so fast in a blink of an eye. Yet I felt so many changes in me that I wouldn’t even thought I’d had.

My brother came a few days ago, said that he wants to visit mom’s grave. Believe it or not, I haven’t visited her grave this past year, not even once. I still don’t know why it is so hard for me to go, I always found a reason not to go everytime my dad went. I feel so guilty. And some people thought that I’m a bad daughter for not going. But just the thought of her grave is giving me pain & heartache for whatever reasons, I can’t imagine how I’m going to react when I’m really there. So I’ll go when I feel I’m ready. But not today.

I asked my friend who already lost her mom so many years ago: “When will you get over the sadness of losing her? After 2 years? 5 years?” She smiled to me and said: “You will never get over it. Even after 10 years there will be times when you smile remembering your good times with her, but there will also be time when you cry remembering the same moments you spent with her. But as life goes by, you’ll be able to control your feelings and laugh more when you think about it.” I think it’s true.

I don’t cry so often anymore when I think of her. But I still miss her terribly when I have so much to tell. I used to tell her everything. What bothers me, what made me happy, what annoyed me, what I wanted to do, what I wanted to buy, what movies I watched, which boyband I was into… just everything! This past year without her sometimes felt so lonely. When something good happened to me, I kept smiling all the way home excited to share my happiness just to found my dad already in bed. I smiled like an idiot by myself in my bedroom ha3x That’s the kind of thing that I missed the most.

Life goes on… I move on… But I really wish I could visit her grave soon… at least before another anniversary v(^_^)v

not sure

I gradually lost my confidence on a lot of things lately...

All this time hearing people say how "positive thinking" am I... but right now I'm not sure where I stand.

I tried to change myself to a better me, based on others' comments & complains... but that doesn't seem to work out.

I tried to do 'more things' to 'more people'... but it seems like those people don't really need me to those things for them.

I'm so afraid to make decisions now, I'm at a loss...

It's time...

Next week I'll have my next visit to the ob-gyn, when I'll know whether a surgery is needed to remove my cyst or not. Or as the doctor said it: "If the cyst is getting larger and already 5cm in diameter then you can consider a surgery to remove it."

I'm just a little mixed feeling about this whole thing. Yes, my menstruation is painfull to the point that since 3 months ago I had to take a painkiller (Ponstant) in every 6 hours for about 24 hours (between 3 - 4 pills). It's common for me to come a few hours late to work on the 1st day of my menstruation every month, I just have to send an SMS to my boss: "I'll be coming late, my first day of period, have to take painkiller." I've been working for such a long time for him that I could discuss this kind of thing with him. He even asked me if I have a regular cycle and stuff, and I don't feel uncomfortable.

It's true that I want to get rid of this pain, but since I had my apendicitis surgery 3.5 years ago I know how it feels after the surgery. And it's something that I don't want to re-do. Besides, I dont' want to worry my dad. He would want to stay at the hospital with me and all. I'd rather have him stay at home, I can take care of myself, but of course he won't listen to me.

So yeah... I'm anxious waiting for the result... As long as I can stand the pain, I think right now I prefer no surgery. But it's not my will, YOUR will be done, God. I know you know the best for me.

Yay!

Finally... I got those old CD's that I've been wanting to order from this place but the shipping charges to Indonesia is like 4 times the good's price. So I don't really think it's worth it. Luckily "little boss" was travelling to US for about 2 weeks and kindly let me use his US address as my shipping address for delivery. Sooooo, here's what I got for 30 bucks:

- Jars of Clay: If I Left The Zoo

- Jars of Clay: Who We Are Instead

- Curtis Stigers: Curtis Stigers

- Church of Rhythm: Church of Rhythm

And these following cute items from 2 of my fave animes of all time:

Kyo Souma patch from the anime FRUITS BASKET

Shindou Shuichi & Kumagoro pins from the anime GRAVITATION.

Though I wish I could buy more, I'm happy enough with what I have now... There's still next time ;)