Singing is my remedy

I just bought a new guitar last Sunday!! Yeah!! It's time to rock again!

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm suck at it! Hahaha At least I knew the keys and am able to play some of my favorite song... in standard that is, not like the records :) It's the singing that helps me tune in with the bad guitar playing.

Since I was little, I love singing so much. Was in School Choir in junior high, school band in high school, the only female singer in college who sings White Lion, Winger, Tesla and those old rock music though when I'm by myself I prefer Danny Tate or Mitch Malloy or Beverley Craven or Joshua Kadison. But mostly I sing in church. I'm an alto but once for a gospel choir competition, we lacked of bass singer so there I was the only female the back with the boys singing the bass part hahaha

I don't think I have a good voice, but my singing mentor (who taught me a lot about music) said that I'm a powerful singer. So whenever I'm singing in a group, they have to turn down my mic's volume and turn up the others! :p Really, it's embarassing sometimes but very helpful when there's a blackout and the mic doesn't work ;0) (another lame excuse...)

Singing is really therapeutic for me. And an indication of my mental state for my parents. My father used to say that he can guess how I'm feeling whenever I sing. I tend to pick songs that suit my feelings at that time. So when I'm being quiet and not make any sound, he said that's an alert for him that I must be feeling real bad or really sick hehehe

Singing also helps me get through the bad times. Even now when I'm feeling lonely and missing my mom so much, I'll sing my heart out and I'll feel much better... though many times I end up crying and can't finish the song. The night before my mom's funeral, I sang a song that I felt describe her life best by her coffin on the last service held by my church. I tried my best to finish it, my voice cracked a little in the end but as the song came to an end... I could feel my mom's presence beside me. I felt at peace.

My voice is not as it used to be, especially since I had sinus & got flu so many times lately. It's a torture for me if I can not sing when I cough or catch cold, I feel soooo down. But whenever possible, I sing. My senior in college used to hate being in the same car with me. You know, I can't help from singing whenever I hear a song that I know. Be it in the mall or the hospital, if I know the song then I'll sing along. In the end he always turned off the radio and played heavy metal - something that I can't sing at all! LoL How stupid can that be.

Well, everybody has a different way to getaway and make themselves feel better. For me, singing is my remedy. Let's rock!!

STRESS MANAGEMENT

It's getting harder to keep my patience & my mind clear when I'm so stressful. I just don't get why some people can have so little empathy and can give several orders at the same time with "top priority" flags on each order! And last time I check I still have 2 hands, a pair or ears & and 1 mouth which means I can only take 1 call at a time while typing one letter with my 10 fingers. God helps me!

Something to love...

I want to have a guinea pig as a pet! I've been wanting this cute creature since a few years ago, but my mom didn't want to have another pet at home and I didn't want to piss her off on her condition at that time. But now I just can't wait to have another pet at home other than my dad's fishes! (^__^) It's not that I hate the fishes, it's just that I couldn't hug or caress a fish, can I? Hahahaha

We used to have some dogs until 6 years ago if I'm not mistaken (been too long that I've forgotten). At that time we had to give up our 3 doggies because my father started to have a sensitive skin (he got itchy when bathed them) & had trouble with his eyes (he got a virus or something, I wasn't sure). The doc suggested that we get rid of those hairy creatures... which put me into tears. But at that time I couldn't disagree cause it was my dad who had been taking care of them all the time. I was busy with my own stuff (was still going out a lot with friends hehehe) and then my mom got impatient with them (they were too attached to my dad... I guess it was just jealousy ;)). I asked my dad to give them away while I wasn't at home, but I still cried when I got home and no greetings from the doggies.

Sooooo, I think now is the right time to have one guinea pig as a pet. I think I'll buy it with my brother when he's coming next month... And I want to name it KONOHAMARU LoL Don't you think that they look a like? I just hope that it won't be as naughty as Konohamaru... I don't know, I might change the name, depends on its character but it has to be something Naruto-ish! hahaha

DO I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH?

A good friend in church just got married last Saturday, he's 40 and the his bride's 34. We were happy for him, extremely happy... he's a senior and one of the few that we look up to, and knowing his "love history" we're thrilled that he finally decided to get married. And to someone that we think (and he thinks) is far from his "ideal type". Before he told us that he got married, he actually spoke to some of us about his relationship, it was mid January. By end of January, we were asked to be involved in the "wedding committee". And as time got closer to the day, we were getting more and more horified to found out that the bride knew so little of the groom!!

They went out under the bride's family's urge. After a couple of dates and considering their ages, they decided to get married. The groom's family wanted the wedding to be around June or July, to give them some space & enough time to clean the house & prepare everything since they're going to live in the groom's house after the wedding. For some reason, he insisted on his chosen day, which was last Sat. So there it went.

3 months before wedding the groom called me: "Help me pick the menu for the reception!" So he read out the list while I was listening & suggesting what kind of food to pick. My friend behind the wheel raised her eyes and whisper: "Isn't he suppose to ask his bride?" I shrugged my shoulders but 1 question popped in my head: WHY DIDN'T HE ASK HIS MOTHER OR SISTER, OR EVEN HIS BRIDE?

A month before wedding the bride asked me in church: "Where's the reception going to be?" My jaw dropped: "Your wedding is only 1 month away & you had no idea where the reception is? Ask your future husband!" That's question # 2 in my head: DON'T THEY PLAN THE WEDDING TOGETHER?

3 weeks before the wedding, another call from the groom: "We're running out invitation so we have to re-label some of them. I'll fax you the revision of the invitation list." I was a bit irritating cause I have told him over and over again before the invitations go into prints: "Make your invitation list, then you know how many invitations to print! Don't guess!" This is how I had question # 3: DOES HE HAVE ANY PLAN AT ALL?

2 weeks before the wedding, the groom was leading the youth service, a special program - something like a get together with other youth ministry from other churches. The bride jokingly asked if he's nervous because there's his ex-gf among the congregation. In fact, there was, and she was so surprised and urged him to show which one was the girl. I didn't know whether he showed her in the end, but this was one of the thing that got me into some serious thinking and popped a 4th question: "DOES SHE KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH?"

The thing is, the groom was well known for his love life history, inside and outside church. It wasn't much of a problem if all of his relationships were counted as "serious". But to tell the truth, he was quite an opportunist in terms of relationship. I was one of those who actually fell for his trap. It would be a little uncomfortable to talk about it here, but in short: I found out that he also talked about me to other people, and the phrase that completely made me cross him out from the relationship level was: "She's the one offering herself to me, and even though I don't have a feeling for her... well, I'm like a cat being offered a fish for free!" That was when I started to tell myself that next time I decide to have a relationship with a guy, we better have a one on one just to make sure that it's for real and that he really thinks that we're good for each other.

I also knew that he was hitting on my cousin's girlfriend that almost made her & my cousin broke up. And he continously did that everytime he wasn't engaged in any relationship. But the biggest surprise came 1 day after the wedding. One of the girl in the committee told me while we're lunching: "You know, it took time for me to say yes to his request on helping on his wedding... I had a battle inside my heart cause I think he's too heartless to ask for your help! We were all victims to his adventure... Me, you and "X"" When she said X I was stunned... X wasn't just someone that I thought would also fall for his trap. We didn't even think such thing would exist between them! We were like family!

Anyway, apart from the fact that he also asked me to spend a night together in a hotel just 2 months before he declared his relationship with the bride, for whatever reason he wouldn't tell at that time... All the facts were too much of a shock for me. And it makes me even more afraid to start a relationship without at least getting to know each other for a certain period of time. I'm not the kind of person who would dig into my partner's past, but I definitely would want to know what's going on with his previous relationships just like I'd want him to know everything about me. So the next time I heard a negative comment about him, I know how to react and how to handle it and not to become suspicious. Just like my parents.

It's all about honesty... I will never know him well enough if he's not honest to me and vice versa. But it sure is scary to find out that my spouse has a long list on relationship history, and I knew nothing about it at all... 'Till later!